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Facebook and the ER


I spent a few hours in the ER yesterday.  Long story short, I’m fine.  Healthy even.  Great blood, great xrays, great EKGs.  But, I’d been having some weird, constant pain on my left side, and when I started having chest pain along with it, I decided to trot on over to the ER and rule out heart attack.  Heart attack has been ruled out.  I just need to go see my normal doctor to find out what the weird, still-constant pain is.

I posted my whereabouts on Facebook.  I had called B on my way to the hospital and asked him not to come because I didn’t want Thor sitting up there, and I wanted to wait until I knew what was going on to worry my mother.  As soon as Mom knew where I was, she went to watch Thor and B came to me.  In the in-between, I had all my friends in my pocket and could pull them out for entertainment and distraction.  That helped keep me calm and helped me maintain a sense of humor.

I love the idea that I can activate my friends’ super powers from an gurney.

And I love having friends who care.

Thank you all, from the bottom of my strong, healthy heart.

Home Ec, Hoo

Days of Wine and Roses


Things I did today:

  1. Planned meals for the week
  2. Went to the grocery store and bought a rose bush to plant in a hole dog had dug (While B cleaned the house!)
  3. Took off half a toenail with grocery cart wheel
  4. Brought home the groceries*
  5. Put away the groceries
  6. Cooked or prepped to cook meals for the week
  7. Dishes (B had already done one load)
  8. Cleaned up all the dog poop in the yard and pulled weeds
  9. Planted rose bush in a hole dog had dug
  10. Discovered that dog had dug a hole and exposed some cable that shouldn’t have been visible
  11. Worried that dog might think the cable looked good for eating
  12. Went to WalMart for dirt to fill the hole, and bought a tree to put in the hole*
  13. Planted the tree and filled the hole–in the dark, by the light of a flashlight
  14. Sprayed tree and area all around tree with No-Chew spray
  15. Put all the pre-made meals in containers and popped into fridge and freezer
  16. Final load of dishes
  17. Cut finger on broken glass
  18. Repaired finger
  19. Started to sit down and rest, but noticed something strange on the porch
  20. Chased dog around yard with tree roots and palm fronds, growling expletives
  21. Picked up pieces of murdered palm tree and discarded
  22. Poured a large glass of wine
  23. Purchased LivingSocial deal for in-home dog training

I’m ready for Monday.

*With help from the boys

Beauty, Friends of Mine, GNO

More Stuff I Like: The Pure Romance Edition…oooooooooh!


I went to a Pure Romance party last night, and it was fun!  I had expected it to be raunchy, and full of TMI, and embarrassing, but it was surprisingly Network TV friendly, full of laughs, and not embarrassing at all.  I give a lot of credit to the Sales Consultant, Sonia (her online store is here), who ran through her line of products with equal parts grace and sense of humor, and credit to the women at the party, who were all equally as graceful and funny.  I came away with a couple of new acquaintances, who I hope become friends, and a freaking amazing faux hot stone massage pack that heats up and will make my feet feel like normal human feet, rather than blocks of ice.  That’s right–I’ll be using it for my feet.

This will be heating up my feet, heart to sole.

Even if you’re not interested in all the geegaws and hoohahs you can find at a toy and lotion party, you can score some really good skin products that have the bonus of tasting nice if you accidentally wind up with some in your mouth–just don’t get them in your eye because that burns (contact lens wearers, beware.)  I came away with a sugar scrub that smells delicious.  Added bonus is that the Pure Romance products come in pretty packaging.  They sit prettily, rather than screaming XXXLUBEXXX from the shelf.

Pretty packaging.

I actually had so much fun, I booked my own party for my April GNO.

One thing that crossed my mind was this:  No one wants to be seen shopping for this any more than a teenage girl wants to be seen buying tampons, so the markup has to be insane on the products.  People are paying more for privacy than for the item itself.  We put a premium on our prudery, don’t we?

I do anyway!  You’re not going to find me shopping store front!  😉

 

Uncategorized

Stuff I Like–Or it could just be the Lemon Drop talking


Wanna know about some great stuff?

First, if you like martinis, but you’re like me and your mixology is mythology, Modern Martinis is a great way to make the breakfast bar feel like…well, you get it.  I picked up a set of mixers at CVS, of all places, and put the Lemon Drop to the test.  I’m a Lemon Drop snob–I was pleased!

Just add vodka.

5 stars.

 

This BarkOff Ultrasonic Training Aid (AS SEEN ON TV!) got terrible reviews on PetSmart.com, but I bought it without reading those.  So far, so good?  Hoo has been rather annoying with the yapyapyapping at the neighbors, and the squirrels, so rather than putting a bark collar on him, I thought I’d give $7 and a 9-volt a try.  He’s given a few yips, but stopped at one, and hasn’t had a full barking fit since I flipped the On switch.

Woofnomore

Currently, 5 stars

We’ve also had a bit of trouble with chewing.  As in, Hoo likes chewing.  So, again, before reading the reviews, I bought some Top Paw Outdoor Bitter No Chew Spray.  It was potent enough that as I sprayed it, Hoo would run up, sniff at it and run away snorting at me.  That dog is MAD at me today, but that has to do with the visit to the vet more than anything else.

Stop eating my tablecloths!

Seemingly 5 stars.

Explaining the Strange Behavior, Philosophy

Why I Laughed at Seth MacFarlane’s “Boobs”


Short Answer:  I thought it was funny.

Long Answer: 

You know that feeling, where you are standing in the middle of the room, laughing at a joke, and you realize that you are the only one laughing?  Erg.  I had that feeling Oscar night.  See, I laughed and laughed at Seth MacFarlane’s jokes.  I am still giggling about the We Saw Your Boobs song.

Most of MacFarlane’s jokes were lazy, and puerile, and at the expense of some group or another, but that didn’t stop me from laughing.  I laughed at the Rihanna/Chris Brown joke.  I laughed at the John Wilkes Booth joke.  I laughed at the Flying Nun gag so much that I missed part of it.  Because I thought it was funny.

You know why I found them funny?  Because, for most of them, my honest first impression was that MacFarlane was mocking the status quo by telling its jokes.  If Hitler is goose stepping, and you’re goose stepping beside him, exaggerating the motions, exaggerating the facial expressions, mocking his voice and his mannerisms, you aren’t walking like Hitler–you’re making fun of him.  I thought MacFarlane was making fun of Herr Hollywood. 

I wouldn’t call MacFarlane a brilliant satirist.  I would call him a brilliant Fool.  A professional Boob.  He is a capering court jester, not a sleek satirist.  He isn’t Jon Stewart.  He isn’t Steven Colbert.  He is smart, but he isn’t smooth.

When MacFarlane sang the Boob song, I thought he was poking fun at how Hollywood undresses its actresses and makes boobs the focus of their careers.  Remember what a huge deal it was when Halle Berry was going to expose herself in Blowfish?  There’s always this major media explosion when an actress is going to bare her chest for the first time, and I thought MacFarlane was mocking that.  I thought Scarlett Johansson got thrown in there because the media exposed her, since she has refused to expose herself.  I thought these things because that’s what hosts do at the Oscars, they make fun of Hollywood and the media.  It’s like a roast for the entire entertainment industry as a whole, where the talent gets to make fun of the industry standard, while getting rewarded for playing along with it.  It didn’t even occur to me that he was being a sexist tool until I opened my Twitter feed and saw the outrage.

Maybe because I actually laugh at The Family Guy, I feel like I am in on the joke with MacFarlane.  That doesn’t mean I found all his schtick amusing.  I didn’t think Ted was funny (or offensive, just egregiously stupid.)  I didn’t like the Don Cheadle joke, which was lazy and boorish.  I didn’t think it was appropriate to make the joke about Qvenznicantspellit becoming a sex object “soon enough” in front of her because she’s 9, and 9 isn’t the right age for that joke.  But, I’d be lying if I didn’t look at every child actress and think, “I couldn’t do that to my daughter.  She’s going to be someone’s sex object before she’s hit puberty.”  Making fun of the Countdown to Legal clocks is always appropriate–doing it in front of the children being counted down isn’t.  I didn’t laugh at his joke introducing Hoffman and Theron.  I didn’t laugh at the closing number.  I thought the closing number was ridiculous.

I don’t know.  It’s all a matter of taste, isn’t it?

I do know this:  The women who were offended have the right to be, and they ought not be called humorless.  I find a great deal of mainstream humor to be offensive.  I can’t stomach Sarah Silverman, for one.  Even my beloved Tina Fey walks a fine line at times.

Comedy is hard because humor is entirely subjective.  Drama, we can pretty much agree upon.  Death is sad.  Loss is sad.  Triumph is good.  It’s easy to to write a love song.  No one is going to complain about that.  But where my son thinks farts are the height of hilarity, he doesn’t have any idea why I laugh so hard at Parks and Recreation.  Where I love a good, dark WWII joke (see Jeremy Clarkson’s faux commercial about Volkswagon, with everyone fleeing Poland because of a “German” invasion), I don’t find rape jokes funny at all.  I will laugh at Countdown to Legal Clock jokes, but I will break up with your sorry ass the very first time you ever tell me a joke about pedophilia (just ask that one guy–I have no sense of humor where that is concerned.) 

I do not think Dumb and Dumber, or Something About Mary were funny at all, but Drop Dead Gorgeous is #1 on my comedy hit parade.  Subjective.

Was Seth MacFarlane a good Oscar host?  I thought so.  Would Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have been better?  Duh.  Yes. 

But can’t you say that about just about anything?