Author: the outside lane

Happy. That about covers it.
Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Nancy

the outside lane

Nancy is one of those serendipitous Facebook finds.  We are friends of friends, acquainted through Karen since the late-80s.  The larger part of my knowledge of her comes from Karen’s great love for her.  That she inspires loyalty, admiration, love, and decades-long friendship speaks volumes.

We reconnected on each others walls, and I always look forward to what Nancy has to say.  She deals with life with a sense of humor and optimism.  And as I am typing all this with her picture, I keep getting distracted, thinking, “And she has the cutest cheeks in the world!”  She does.  Look!  Cutest cheeks ever.

Meet Nancy.

Name: Nancy Blum
Age Range: smack dab in the middle of the ’40’s
Preferred Job Title: “Chief” (a/k/a Legal Secretary/Assistant)
Industry: Legal

Describe my family: I’m part of a great big dysfunctional family. I know both my birth and adoptive families. My babies consist of my fur babies, Tigger and Babaloo.

What does the first hout of your day look like? I have a nasty habit of starting my morning as late as possible. I have a tendency to hit the snooze button at least a couple of time before I drag my rear end out of bed, throw my desginated outfit on, brush my teeth, and hit the road.

the last hour? Relaxing in the recliner, playing on the computer, watching TV and/or cuddling with my babies. Throw in the shower right before bedtime, and viola! A perfect evening.

What makes you feel successful? Seeing my other “babies” (a/k/a the kids I babysat growing up) on FB making their marks on life, growing up and having their own babies. I love knowing that I was part of their lives growing up. Making my way through life, good and bad, on my own and fixing my messes myself.

What brings you joy? Laughter, my friends and family, my animals, children.

What women do you admire? Of course, my momma. All of my girlfriends, for their strength and determination and the fact they love me, warts and all.

What do you like best about your closest friend? She loves me and treats me like her own sister. She holds me accountable, but always with love.

What do you like best about yourself? I would have to say my sense of humor (I’m a born and bred smart alek)

What advise would you give boys about girls? Don’t judge a book by its cover. Beauty is more than facial. True beauty is shown from within

How do you overcome adversity? Lots of prayer (and usually some tears along the way).

How do you want to be remembered? I hope I’m remembered as a sweet sensitive daughter, aunt, granddaughter who loved well, laughed a lot and lived even better. I want to be remembered as a child of God.

I'm throwing this in as a bonus. Anyone willing to jump out of an airplane...wow. Fearless.
Uncategorized

Winding Lane

the outside lane

Random Lane:

Do you know what I love to eat?  The chicken and wild rice soup from Panera.  That is some good stuff!

Excellent songs on the Muzak, today.  Can’t ever complain when Annie Lennox and Fiona Apple are featured.

I need to find out how to contact Dianne Brill, and see if she would be willing to participate in the Women Worth Knowing project.  Dianne Brill is my pilot.  Sometimes Paulina Porizkova, my co-pilot, gets to fly the plane, but Dianne and her brazilliant Boobs, Boys and High Heels book is always somewhere in the flight center of my brain.

When I was in jr. high and high school, I kept clippings of my favorite models/outfits/ads in a scrapbook.  Paulina featured heavily.  I luffed her.  She, Yasmeen Ghauri, and Christy Turlington were my top three.  Really, was there anyone more striking than Ghauri working back then?  It’s a rhetorical question.  The answer is no.  That woman was the apex of beauty.

I couldn’t name a model today if you slapped me with her.  Well, Gisele.  Everyone knows Gisele.  And I know Agyness Deyn.  Outside of that?  Nope.  Oh, Crystal Renn.  I know who she is.

I still love fashion, but these days, I like to see what people are wearing to parties.  I look forward to my Town & Country magazine for that reason.  I flip straight to the party pictures.  In fact, when I was deciding whether or not my party dress for last weekend had too much cleavage, I went to a couple of T&C party pages to see what the idle rich were wearing. 

According to the T&C party pages, I had a perfectly acceptable level of laciviousness.  Of course, every other woman there was buttoned up to the collar bone.  Moral of the story:  Do not use NYC party photos to guide your fashion for a Fort Worth party.  NYC skin baring is to Fort Worth skin baring what Catwalk is to Ho Stroll.

I need to start yoga again.  Timing is everything, though.  Sheesh.

Such a beautiful day outside.  2 more hours and I can go enjoy.

Howling Sea Lane

Fox “News”

the outside lane

I have been following the story of a Mexican child, who was impregnated allegedly by her step-father at the age of ten (the pregnancy isn’t alleged, but her step-father has not been convicted.)  The story struck me for various reasons.  Today, it wasn’t the abused child’s story that made my blood boil, but Fox News’ use of scare quotes.

The headline regarding the child’s choice to continue her pregnancy to term reads, “11-Year-Old Mexican ‘Rape’ Victim Wants to Keep Baby.”  Do you see anything wrong with this picture?

“Rape”?  Really, Fox?  “Rape”?

I take no issue with the lede, reading that the child was “allegedly raped by her step-father.”  Unless the man has been convicted, he is due his benefit of the doubt.  However, there is no doubt that this child was raped. 

The age of consent in her state of Quintana Roo is 12.  The Mexican Federal Code is explicit that any sort of sex with a child under the age of 12, whether or not it is committed in an act of violence, is rape.  Thus and so, a child who is coerced into thinking that he or she is consenting is still protected by the law.

So why the scare quotes? 

The article goes on to use some very purple language to describe reports about women’s rights groups as detailed by pro-life activists, having no issue with wording their story to a clear bias.  Again, really, Fox?  That’s like using Jennifer Anniston as your source on the legitimacy of Angelina Jolie’s relationship with Brad Pitt, or using Sarah Palin as your source on the wisdom of electing Barack Obama to the presidency.  In other words, Fox, stupid, bad, unbalanced reporting.

But, since they obviously have no issue with inflamatory sneering, why not just go ahead and call out the child as having been raped?  Her age precludes her ability to consent, and her pregnancy precludes any question of whether or not she was used sexually…  Why the scare quotes?

Is it because this is a little Mexican girl?  I don’t recall Fox treating Elizabeth Smart or Jaycee Duggard as willing participants in their rapes.  Is it because this little girl isn’t blonde and blue-eyed?

I sent them a letter asking.  I doubt I will get any real answer.

But I am incensed as a mother.  How does a news organization choose to cast doubt and suspicion on a child who probably still has baby teeth?  Those quote marks suggest, imply, and raise an eyebrow at abuse.  “Oh really, little Mexican girl?” They seem to sneer, “You were ‘raped’?  Mmhmm.  Sure you were.”

As a woman who was raped, I am enraged.  How dare they?  How dare they?!  It’s hard enough to deal with that violation as an adult, and hard enough to deal with the raised eyebrows you get as a grown woman having to navigate what the world calls the gray-area.  It’s hard enough having to deal with the Whoopi Goldbergs questioning whether you were raped or rape-raped?  But to cast doubt on the legitimacy of whether or not a ten-year-old child was raped?  That is unethical.  No.  That is immoral.  That gives the pedophile a foothold.  It is disgusting and shameful, nasty and self-righteous.

So I am sitting here, shaking my tiny fist at Fox with a strongly worded email to their news manager.  I’ll probably get a canned response thanking me for giving them site hits.  Actually…  You know what?  I just dropped the link.  I do think you should search for it in order to assure yourselves that I didn’t make it up, but I’m not going to give them a link from my blog. 

No hits for you!

Style

Tired, Tried and True

the outside lane

Today’s ensemble brought to you by polyvore and the letters T I R E D.

I planted a hedgerow and an 8′ peach tree last night, then stayed awake far too late for the hour I needed to be up this morning. 

Everyone needs a go-to look for days when you just don’t have the energy for effort.  This is mine.  Black trousers with a slight flare and a good, tight crease (Target, $39), a black cami (I have several of these, today’s is Gilligan O’Malley from Target, about $20), and a charcoal/black/hunter green deep v-neck (today it is the charcoal v-neck from Old Navy, $15).  Worn with charcoal low-heeled maryjanes ($14 at Ross), black pearl earrings (a gift from my fantastic Mother-in-law) and a t-bar necklace with pendant ($9 at Charming Charlie’s–I supplied the picture in the pendant.)  It’s an outfit that is borderline casual, so it is important that your fabrics are good.  Good fabric makes all the difference in the world.

That reminds me of a girl I used to work with, back in college.  Carrieanne was driven, goal-oriented, Miller Lite Girl, who took me under her wing because she thought I was too conservative (in those skirts?!) and that I had much more potential for hotness.  She was going to work me out and get me a harder body so I could be a Miller Lite Girl, too. 

We’ve covered that my skin is the color of Elmer’s glue.  Well, Carrieanne had this beautiful tan to go with her perfect, thick, waist-length hair, which she wore in the  ideal ponytail for all exercise.  When she worked out, her cheeks would darken into roses and she just looked breathless and pulchritudinous.  When I work out, my skin splotches into hivey looking patches of vicious red, so I resemble those orange and white godlfish you see in coy ponds.

There we would be, Carrieanne in her sports bra and tiny spandex shorts, looking like an ad for the Abmaster, glowing with good health and fitness, and me in my Cure concert t-shirt, gym shorts and sweat frizzled hair, nearly falling down laughing at the men who would sometimes walk into things trying to watch her do bends.  It was good for my health, but so, so hard on my ego.

Actually, it was good for my ego.  Working out with Carrieanne forced me to confront my own petty jealousies, and come to the conclusion that it is better to look like a hag who has gorgeous friends, than be a hag with no friends.  I like looking at pretty people, so why begrudge all the stares Carrieanne got?  Heck, I liked staring at her.  She was just that pretty.

She was a sweetheart.  Anyway, Carrieanne was the one who introduced me to the difference between work-cute and date-cute.  She would find a dress she liked and buy it in two sizes.  She would wear the size 4 to work.   That one fit her prettily.  She would wear the size 2 on dates.  That one hugged every curve.

I liked her so much!  I hope she’s doing well.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Nicole

the outside lane

I met Nicole in a fan forum where we were writing a round robin style spy caper.  She was writing a spy who was a master of disguise, and I got quite a laugh when she disguised herself as a drum kit.  We started chatting and discovered a very similar taste in music, though her knowledge of it far surpasses mine, and a similar sense of humor.  Ten years later, Nicole is part of my every day life.  We chat almost every night, keeping up with each others families and friends, and writing. She is one Thor’s Aunties.

Nicole is a solid, good friend, who can be counted on for anything.  She is kind and creative, and impressively loyal.  I think what I like best about her is that she doesn’t stand for status quo in her life.  She is consistently moving forward, even when it looks like an uphill battle, striving to better herself and achieve her goals.

She is in the process of making some big life changes right now, and I’m impressed by the dedication and determination with which she is going after them, working to make things better for herself and for her mother.  That’s a great team right there.  Maybe I can get Nicole to Q&A her mom.

Until then, Meet Nicole.

Name: Nic
Age Range: 30s…barely
Preferred Job Title: Sr. Service Rep/Author
Industry: At the moment–Dental Insurance. Someday–publishing.

Who are you? That’s a hard question. I think I’m always in the process of learning who I am. I’m a woman, a daughter, a friend, a writer, a romantic. Each of these and sometimes all at once.
Describe your family: My mother, me, our dog. I lost my father last summer and I’m still adjusting to the void. I know I never will.
What does the first hour of your day look like? Cursing my alarm, then finally getting up and driving to work. I usually am not fully awake for a few hours.
The last hour? I am usually online at night. Writing, playing games. Reading or watching movies sometimes.
What makes you feel successful? Making it through the day without losing my mind. I know I’m not perfect and when I can make myself realize that even the smallest task can lead to accomplishment, I always feel better for it.
What brings you joy? Writing, my mother, my dog, my friends
What women do you admire? First and foremost, my mother. I know a large percentage of women would say the same thing, but my mother survived her abusive childhood and married a man who needed more tending than any woman should have to handle. She always loved him and me with everything she had and she’s my best friend. I am also fortunate enough to have an extensive number of friends–the writer of this blog, par example–who are strong, smart, funny women and I admire them all for different reasons.
What do you like best about yourself? My mind. My imagination saves me from despair more often than not.
What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades? 1st: Quiet, inquisitive. I didn’t know that people could be mean until I was in school. 6th: Introvert. I was the fat girl at school. Every class has one. I was her. Boys were mean and girls were meaner. 12th: Settled. I was an outcast and a misfit and so were my friends. I had a handful of real friends then and always a place where I belonged.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages? 1st: It won’t always be this way . 6th: They feel just as bad about themselves as they make you feel.  12th: These are some of the best times of your life. Enjoy them.

How do you want to be remembered? As a good friend, a caring person. I think, mostly, I just want to be remembered.