Tag: wwk

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Jennifer

the outside lane

You'd never peg her for a rebel.

I remember with a clarity the first time I saw Jennifer.  I was over at Tommy’s house, and he was expecting a visit from Stephanie and her friend.  Jennifer turned out to be the friend, a little pixie of a thing with pretty blonde hair that went on forever and an impish smile.  She was wearing a prairie skirt, an oversized shirt and a vest.  In two years’ time, the hair had been cropped down to a fiery red bob, and the modest prairie garb had been traded in for cire catsuits she wore with an enviable elegance.  That girl looked good in anything!  If Facebook is to be believed, and I think it should, she still does.

Jennifer had a sly, dry wit.  You had to get to know her a little bit, and then her humor would start to peek through.  In my mind’s eye, she always has one eyebrow raised, has always just slipped something wry into the conversation, and her lips are always twitching up into that devil-may-care smile.

Back in the day, Stephanie was working as a nanny, Jennifer as a librarian, and I as a banker.  Jennifer is the only one of us who actually stayed true to her course of study and stuck with her career track.  For as long as I have known her, she has been quietly ambitious and worked as hard as she played.  She has always followed her own drummer, too.

She is a good and loyal friend.  When she loves you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.  She isn’t afraid to be different.  She isn’t afraid to stand out.  She knows how to get things done.

Meet Jennifer.

Name: Jennifer Baker
Age Range: 30s–for one more year anyway 🙂
Preferred Job Title: library director and mom
Industry: public libraries

Who are you? i’m a sixth generation texan who defected and moved to california almost ten years ago. i love texas and it will always be home but i do not plan to live there ever again. i am a perfectionist and an optimist with a little bit of ocd. i am very patient with people and i have a long fuse but i when it blows it’s not good to be around. i have everyone around me convinced i am an extrovert but i am really a closet introvert who prefers to either be alone or just with close friends. i like people to be comfortable around me so i am a bit of a chameleon. i tend to adopt people’s postures, cadence and even accents. i used to do is subconsciously but now i notice it and use it to my advantage. i am very driven to succeed but i don’t like being praised too much. i do enjoy compliments but only in moderation. 😉 i want people to notice i did a good job but it’s more important to me that the job is well done than to get credit for it. i despise hypocrisy and people who are judgmental. i try to think before i speak and frequently play out conversations in my head before i have them. i have a high tolerance for pain and am not easily frustrated. i complain a lot about little things but usually keep the big things to myself. i talk outloud to myself and to inanimate objects. i prefer experience to things. so if you are going to buy me a present it should come in an envelope not a box–ie. massage gift certificate, tickets to the theater, a trip to hawaii.

Describe your family: the family i was born into is very conservative, ultra-fundamentalist christian (ever seen “jesus camp”?) they vote straight republican, are anti-choice, anti-gay, and even a bit racist but don’t see this in themselves. i was this way too when i was a kid simply because i didn’t know better but as i grew up and came to know other views of the world i changed my outlook to be as inclusive and tolerant as possible. i have a sister who is two years younger than me. she got married a little over a year ago and is having her first baby this summer. i do not have aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents. the only grandparent i ever knew was my paternal grandmother who died when i was twelve. i did not know her well and i do not remember her as a very pleasant person.
my chosen family is my husband and our two little boys. i have been with my husband for ten years after a failed marriage in my early twenties. he is my best friend and my biggest fan. my first son will be four next month and my youngest just turned three months. he was born two months premature. we also have two cats.

What does the first hour of your day look like?
get up, help my husband get our oldest off to school. get dressed, feed the baby. soon it will include getting myself to work. i am not a morning person!

The last hour?
everyone is asleep and i am enjoying alone time. i have to force myself to go to bed because i tend to get mentally revved up around 10:30pm. i get everything ready for the next morning since i am not a morning person

What makes you feel successful?
in my personal life making people happy, making people laugh. someone liking my idea. at work, the same, but also getting invited to participate in things where i can put my experience and viewpoints to good use.

What brings you joy?
figuring something out or helping my little boy figure something out. good theater. good movies. good food. dancing & music. a good hair day and new clothes.

What women do you admire?
business women like my friend joan who works as a consultant and tells it like it is. those who persevere in hardship…the “take the bull by the horns” type. single moms like my friend chris or moms of sick children like my friend ashley. women who buck convention. also those who seek out opportunities to help people and try new things. i have a friend, stephanie, who is living in afghanistan now working as a librarian at the university there (when she’s not in lock down). she spends vacations going to places like india to work in medical camps. i could never live that life but i admire it to no end. i also admire nurses (women and men, but usually women) who work with people who are the most vulnerable and don’t have a voice like small children, the terminally ill, and the elderly.

What do you like best about your closest friend?
humor, honesty, and pluck

What do you like best about yourself?
my tenacity and that i can find calm in the storm

What advice would you give boys about girls?
treat us gently, fairly and equally. when a girl is talking, listen with your eyes and your ears.

How do you overcome adversity?
when you’re going on a bear hunt and you come to a river that you can’t go around, over or under, ya gotta swim. i’m a “head down and press onward” kind of person. i tell myself “this can’t last forever and i will survive this”

How do you want to be remembered?
as someone who was kind, considerate , generous, energetic, innovative, intelligent and always looked good for her age. 🙂

our blog:
http://www.mostlynicolasandryan.com

Women Worth Knowing

What Makes a Woman Worth Knowing–A Man’s POV

the outside lane

As part of the Women Worth Knowing project, I have asked a few of my man-friends (that’s a very Golden Girls terminology, isn’t it) to share what they think makes a woman worth knowing.  My friends are in various stages of relationship, some married, some dating, some divorced or divorcing, some straight, some gay.  All of them have mothers, though, so they have that in common!

Chris and his 2nd biggest fan.

The first essay comes from my Brother-in-Law, Chris.

Chris was a senior in high school when I started dating his brother.  I knew from the start that he was a keeper.  Growing up, I always wanted a little brother.  I really couldn’t have imagined one better than the one my husband would give me.  He is smart and funny, and a true romantic, and after you read this, you’re all going to want to snatch him up.

Here is Chris on what makes a woman worth knowing:

She’s smart. Smart enough to be 16 moves ahead of you – to have you in checkmate before the game’s even started. Sharp enough to see each and every string dangling down in front of you, and to know exactly which ones to pull, exactly what angles to pull them from, and exactly how hard. She can have you crawling on your hands and knees, through broken glass and salt, and you’d never even know why. But you’d love every second of it.

But then something remarkable happens. She doesn’t do any of that. Because she’s busy, damnit, and she has better things to worry about than you. You’ll figure it out or you won’t. She’d prefer that you do, but if not, she’ll be just fine. She has a life to live – fires to put out, missions to accomplish. And she doesn’t need you in order to do it.

She’s strong. But she doesn’t rub it in anybody’s face. She doesn’t have to. It just comes through, because she’s confident, and capable. She handles her business, and is ready at the drop of a hat to help out here or there for the people in her life she cares about. She’s smart enough that she doesn’t try to take on too much – it’s seldom more than she can handle. And when it is… she manages anyway. She never backs down from a challenge, and is rarely ever overmatched. When she is, she doesn’t cry about it. She takes her lumps, learns her lessons, and moves on to the next challenge.

She’s quirky. She doesn’t fit the mold. Either you like it or you don’t. She doesn’t particularly care which.

She’s a good judge of character. She calls a duck a duck, a cat a cat, and she can smell a rat a mile away. She doesn’t associate with the rats, but she doesn’t particularly wish them any harm, either. She just wants them to go build their rat nests elsewhere, and stay out of her hair. But God help the rat that decides to make a mess in her life. Generally she’s more than happy to lay the poison down herself, and kill it dead. But, if that’s not an option, she knows plenty of cats who are fiercely loyal to her, and will be more than happy to take care of the problem for her.

Much more than anything, she has a heart of gold. She’s not always happy, of course, but you can always feel love coming from her. It’s her family – her parents and siblings, her spouse and her children. It’s friends, old and new, and casual acquaintances. It’s the strangers on the streets or on the 10 O’clock news who are going through the most difficult times in their lives. It’s anyone and everyone she meets. She refuses to be taken advantage of, but if you need it, and you’re not trying to steal it, she’ll give you the shirt off her back, and ask if you could use her bra to keep your head warm. You can see it in her eyes, and hear it in her voice. She’s a good woman, and she’s proud of it.

That, my friends, is a woman worth knowing. I’m fortunate enough to know several, and to have had their influences in my life over the years. I’m a much better man because of it. I am most blessed.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Michelle

the outside lane

The first time I saw Michelle, we were attending a Homeowner’s Association meeting to transfer power from the HOA management group to a neighborhood/builder elected HOA Board of Directors.  I had never lived in an HOA community, so I really had no idea of what an HOA did, but was willing to volunteer to help and had thrown my hat into the ring for the election.

Prior to the voting, Michelle stood up and started asking questions of the management representatives.  Her questions were well considered, well informed, and of import.  I looked on our voting list to see if she was there.  She was.  I voted for her instead of myself.

For the past several years, Michelle has been an active voice of reason in our neighborhood.  She has been selfless with her time, coming up with, coordinating, or volunteering for nearly every event, and serving on our HOA BOD through some incredibly tumultuous seasons.  She is well spoken and excellent before an audience.  I have watched her maintain her composure under duress that would have made me throw a shoe at someone’s head–and it takes a lot for me to go into a shoe throwing rage.  I have been impressed with her ability to sit in what was a boy’s club and force those same boys to show her the respect she was due.

You wouldn’t know it looking at her, but this softly pretty woman with the happy laugh is Pioneer quality.  I have a feeling you could strand her in the woods and come back two months later to find a cabin in working order, and the beginnings of a thriving community.

Meet Michelle:

Name:  Michelle (Meehan) Smith

Age: 34

Job Title:  MOM, Educator, Volunteer

Industry:  Early Childhood Education

Ours is truly a unique household.  My husband, two years my senior, my mother who has retired and come to live with us after Dad passed and our six “young” children.  Three girls ages 10, 8 and 4 and three boys ages 6, 3 and 9 months.  Our door is always open and has hosted many different people from family to foreign exchange students.  Not to forget our two large furry dogs, too, and about a million fish.

The first hour goes from zero to sixty in mere minutes.  The quietness of a household with a nursling and the groggy, sleepy-eyed stagger of a toddler and preschooler wandering in.  Then the silence is broken to wake the oldest three to get ready for the day.  Usually two hop right up and one needs cajoling.  We do the morning routine, early morning chores and greet the incoming preschoolers for my in-home daycare. Blessings over each of the children, hug and a kiss and we are off running!

The last hour usually ends in exhaustion after singing, reading, planning, packing, locking, signing and kissing goodnight.  I get “me” time after that.  Usually I end up catching up on correspondence, office work and billings, or just skip it entirely and spend time with my hubby.

What makes me feel successful is accomplishing tasks and seeing my kids trying their best.  We will never be perfect, but we learn from all that we do.   I am so proud when any of us chances something new and come glory or failure, we tried something new and laughed at ourselves, if need be, to keep us humble or succeed beyond our imaginations!

Joy is singing.  Joy is peaceful meditation.  Joy is watching a child smile.  Joy is listening to an elder retell a story.  Joy is seeing my husband after a long day. Joy is loving each other in word and deed…family.

I admire women who are who they are and do not pretend to be what others want them to be.  We spend so much of our lives trying to look or feel or be a certain way, but at the end of the day, I only know how to be me and to try and be that well.  I admire women who serve with their heart for the sake of helping, not recognition.  I admire women who give all day, but take time to grow themselves in their life and marriage and spiritual world. I am in awe of women who can speak with a gesture and be still when wanting to scream.

My closest friend knows me better than I do.  She loves me for all that I am, imperfections included.  She has never tried to change me, just loves me for who I am and who I can be.  We could not have spoken for months/years but can pick up like it was yesterday.  She is someone that cares what is happening in my life and shares her heart openly.

What I like best about myself is that I have learned to ask questions. There was a time not long ago that women could not or dared not do so.  Now, it is a privilege I do not take lightly.  It makes me get out of my comfort zone and feel exposed.  It is the only way for me to learn and to teach my children that it is okay to ask when we do not know the answers.  Being one who asks questions can put you in the uncomfortable spotlight of being “different”.  It is not my personality to stand out, but if I am wondering, surely someone else is, too.

I would tell boys that girls are silly, talkative things that can love beyond reason, do beyond the imaginable and stay true beyond the unthinkable. Girls do not always make sense, but if given a chance, loving them is worth it.

I overcome adversity by not sweating the small stuff and keeping my nose to the grindstone.  You can work through anything.

Adversity is overcome through two things: prayer and perseverance.  I used to think that I could outlast almost anything.  Then I was taken to my knees by situations well beyond my control that required me letting go and asking for help.  The outcomes were not always as hoped for, but not being alone helped tremendously.

Rememberance is fleeting.  I want my kids to think of me as a good mother; my parents to recall a good and loving child; my friends a thoughtful and considerate confidante; and my God a faithful servant.

Style, Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Natalie Perkins

the outside lane

I talk a lot about style and fashion, and I speak from the perspective of someone who has been small enough to wear sample sizes, and large enough that I couldn’t shop at Express.  I know a thing or two about dressing a tiny, cute body, and a thing or two about dressing a larger, cute body.  What I know best of all is that it isn’t the size of the body making it cute, it’s the attitude wearing the body, wearing the clothes.  Nothing I like better than a sharp dressed attitude, so I was excited to find Natalie Perkins.

Jezebel.com introduced me to Brisbane native, Natalie Perkins, an artist (portfolio here), fashion blogger, and joy to behold.  Natalie came to my attention when Jezebel reposted her blog article about having become a focal point of a Facebook group dedicated to mocking larger bodies in skinny jeans.  Refusing to be bullied out of hers, Natalie took the gospel of greatness at any size into their group and invited them to get to know her as a human being, rather than throwing internet eggs at a nameless soul. Kindly and gently, and with excellent syntax probably wasted on that lot, Natalie suggested that hating her figure wasn’t the key to happiness, but that it could be found in learning to love one’s own.

What I love about Natalie’s blog and twitter feed is that she posts about style (fashion/home decor/art)  in a way that makes you feel like you could be just as much a bon vivant as she.  Rather than just drawing back the curtains to allow you a peek behind the runway into a world exclusive of you, she flings open the doors and invites you to experience the color and texture she found there.

Great fashion is about art, and art has nothing to do with your height, weight, hair color, or shoe size.  Great art has to do with passion.  Natalie is full of that.

Meet Natalie.

Name: Natalie Perkins
Age Range: On the cusp of my 30s
Preferred Job Title: Artist
Industry: Graphic design/ illustration

Who are you?
I’m Natalie, and I feel like I’m working out who I am every day. The things that characterise me are friendliness, my laugh, my real-world ditziness, and my passions for self acceptance and art. I was born in Brisbane, Australia and I’ve only really left this town on short trips interstate, but I’ve wanted to visit or even New York one day (something I’ve wished for since I was little!)

Describe your family:
My family is very big, welcoming and loud. We like to argue and laugh, and this can be a little bit intimidating for new people but we always want to include people and bring them in. We don’t shy away from hard issues, and I can credit my family for pushing me through some really awful mental health times.

What does the first hour of your day look like?

When I wake up I usually go into the bathroom and splash my face with water, then go and make myself a coffee. I sit down with emails and try to plan out the rest of my day. Sometimes I’ll eat toast (buttered with a little bit of strawberry jam) but it’s a struggle, I have never enjoyed eating in the mornings.

The last hour?
Preparing for bed usually consists of a hot Milo, some stuffing about watching tv or browsing the internet, and then I brush my teeth and wash my face.

What makes you feel successful?

Finishing a drawing that achieves the things I set out to achieve. Solving problems (usually visual/ spatial problems!) When I’ve been of assistance to people. Receiving praise!

What brings you joy?
I feel joy when marginalised people receive equitable treatment; when I’m formulating a creative plan (for a client or for my personal work); when I’m laughing with my friends and family; and when I am alone, working. Also… puppies! I am unapologetic about my love for dogs, and even though I can’t have one in the apartment I currently live in, I will lavish attention upon any puppy I see.

What women do you admire?

I admire my female friends and my Mum and Nana. I also admire countless many activists and artists: Beth Ditto, Nomy Lamm, Charlotte Cooper, Tori Amos, Marianne Kirby, Marian Bantjes, Hazel Dooney, Lesley Kinzel, Kate Harding, Sia Furler, Aimee Mann… I could go on forever!

What do you like best about your closest friend?

My closest friend is my husband. I love that he is open to discussing really sticky issues, and that he understands my need for alone time.

What do you like best about yourself?

I like that I am more concerned with personal growth and self awareness than I am with being wrong. I don’t mind admitting I have thought or said or done something hurtful because I am so mindful of all the things I don’t yet know in the world. I want to learn and be taught by people who know more than I do.

What advice would you give boys about girls?

Girls are human beings, boys are human beings. Girls don’t all exhibit the same behavioural traits, we are a gender that consists of billions of different, beautiful characteristics. Instead of assuming a woman will react a certain way, give her the opportunity to react how she wants.

How do you overcome adversity?

Adversity is so varied for everyone. In my life I have had access to a huge range of privileges (I’m white, middle-class, uni educated etc); I have had some very dark times that perhaps weren’t as awful because I did have certain privileges. I found that having a strong support network really helped me, and talking through problems was a key factor.

How do you want to be remembered?

I think I’d like people to remember me for being myself, to the full extent of my being, including all the nice and the not so nice bits. I want to have challenged people and nurtured unconventionality!

Learn more about Natalie here:
Blog: http://www.definatalie.com
Portfolio: http://www.natalieperkins.com

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Jill

the outside lane

Charlcye invited me to lunch one day to meet and welcome one of our coworkers from the Field.  Her name was Jill, and she was flying into Headquarters for the first time.  Part of our job was to make sure our partners in the Field knew how valued they were, and that we were there to make life easier for them.  Some people made that job more challenging than others, and then there were the team members like Jill, who made it a pleasure.

That also happens to be the best word to describe her.  Jill is an absolute pleasure.  She is a smiling, delightful, candidly happy woman, who more than lights up a room.  She lightens a room.  That is, she lifts the weight of the world from it with the effervescence of her spirit.  She is champagne in human form.

Jill is a good leader because you want to follow her.  Who wouldn’t want to follow her?  She is realistically optimistic, trustworthy, and knows her business.  If you’re asking her about numbers, you can take her answer to the bank.  If you’re asking her about people, you know she’s thought it through.  She gets results because she drives for them, but also because she makes you feel so darned good about being in the car with her.

When she responded with the answers to her profile questions, she added a little note.  I share it because it is an example of every communication I have ever had with her, professional or personal.  She builds up her contacts with sincerity and sweetness, and that makes her utterly irresistible.  Jill said, “I do remember flying into Dallas for a wedding in 2002, and I wanted to see the big [corporate headquarters.]  So Charlcye and you, and someone else met me, took me to lunch, and I got the star treatment tour. I remember thinking wow… These beautiful women are so cool and so nice ….weird!!! No cattiness and I was in love at first sight!! Aside from you and Charlcye always always always picking up your phone and emailing right back whatever I needed, you two really helped me grow and want to do well!”  See what I mean?  How could we not want to do anything in the world for her?

Meet Jill.

Name:  Jill

Age range: 30s but say forever 29.99 plus tax

Preferred job title: leader and trainer

Industry: retail retail retail

Who am I? I am a high-spirited sometimes misunderstood person that is always thirsty for change. I thrive on high stress and new adventures and am an organized mess.  I believe there is a reason for everything and all will turn out just fine… If not better. My eyes continue to strain to see things clearly for what they really are and I can find good in everything. Maybe in denial??

I believe in karma and God and I have lived a truly blessed life that I admit I did not even appreciate until I went on a medical mission to Rwanda Africa. Beautiful people!!

My family: I have an awesome husband, Kevin, of 14 years on 7-27 at 7pm, who stands by me in every crazy idea I come up with. My parents just this weekend retired and are moving to Indiana where they grew up and met.  Heartache! I am so Daddy’s little girl! They are fabulous parents who taught me my strong work ethic, respect for myself and others, and [they] never judge me!

I have a great stepson who is almost 18 and just received a full ride academic scholarship to Kentucky! Very proud!
I have 2 kitties that I took in as strays and we just got a puppy Hank who is in k-9 academy for 2 more weeks! Wish me luck…

First hour of the day: Procrastination and snooze button a few times! I dislike mornings! Mom said I was born at noon and truly that is when I would like to start my day 😉  The last hour is making my next to do list that never ends but I get great satisfaction from crossed out lines and check marks.  Maybe take my makeup off… Maybe not…

What makes me feel successful: Going home at the end of the day knowing I helped others and gave my best to my team and my customers.  Seeing others around me grow spiritually and professionally. I live to make people smile and feel appreciated.

What brings me joy: Red licorice, diet Pepsi, new pjs, not getting up early, pink cherry blossom trees.  African children with their ginormous smiles.  Opening up a door for someone who needs it, randomly paying for the car behind me in a drive thru anonymously.  Music music music! I heart music! I must have music playing at all times possible. Sometimes the song in my head doesn’t quite match up 🙂

What women do I admire:
Famous: I admire Oprah for speaking her mind and not waffling, for accepting what shape she may be at that moment and for changing the way I look at things.
I also admire my mom for working so hard and doing without so many gets so we could have nice things!

What do you like best about your closest friend: That she can pick up wherever we left off no matter length of time and not make me feel guilty.  For telling me the truth: yes you do have food in your teeth or a bat in the cove boogie 😉

What do you like best about yourself: I like that I can keep falling and keep getting back up again. I like that I am meeting new people who bring good into my life. I do like having green eyes.

What advice would you give to boys about girls? Always edify your mom and partner in front of anyone.
Always wear clean underwear when traveling, and it will stop hurting when the pain goes away.  Girls are like sourpatch gummies. Sweet on the inside if you give them time to melt 🙂

How do I overcome adversity: I [do it by having] confidence and by loving all kinds of people, striped, polka-dotted. Plaid doesn’t matter to me and I can get along with almost everyone…the ones I can’t .. I still try and pray for peace in their lives and I believe there is a reason deeper than I can see or know as to why they act the way they do .

How would you like to be remembered? With a big smile making a difference in my world close to me and far from me and that I never quit and gave up trying and learning.  As a great daughter, wife, stepmom, sister and friend.