Posted in sports, Uncategorized


B had the fortune to get to use company tickets to the TCU v BYU game tonight, so we headed out to Jerryworld in style, getting to park in a reserved spot in the VIP lot.  It was akin to getting a storeside space at Kroger’s.  In other words, amazing.  And there was our little, fuel efficient mom-mobile parked in between a Mercedes and a BMW.  The Mercedes had an LV bag in the back that was probably worth about 5k.  I had Thor’s Go-Diego-Go backpack in mine.  Somehow, I think if there had been any break-ins, we would have escaped notice altogether.

It was our first time to Jerryworld.  I have to say I was impressed and had a very nice time.  It was easily the most comfortable, enjoyable stadium experience I’ve ever had, BYU fans in front of us notwithstanding.  The nachos were good!  You know what I loved?  Nasty-good stadium food eaten in actual comfort.  That’s the life.

Thor had a blast.  Just minutes into the first quarter and he had picked up on TCU fans’ hand signs and was chanting for the team.  He also started begging to play football again.  Bless his little heart.  There is no way I am cosigning having 300lb men jumping on his head for a living.  He can have 200lb men throwing small, spherical projectiles at his head at ridiculous, rocket speeds instead.

As I type, the Rangers are throwing away their second chance at a World Series.  B is a sad panda.  I’m betting Uncle Chris is even sadder.

Posted in Lancient History

On Ice

I am not athletically inclined in the least. My grandparents were. My parents were. My mother certainly was. She was such a great baseball player, a major league scout came to see her play. He was very disappointed to discover that Joe, was in fact, Joan. I think her having to watch me play softball was the closest she ever came to feeling disappointment in me. She always looked so sad and puzzled, watching me play.

I am such an uncoordinated lump that school teams have asked to play short a person, rather than pick me. And, a professional dance instructor asked me to stop coming to her adult beginner classes–for which I was paying–because I was holding back all the other beginners. She was sure I had other talents. She was also sure dancing was not one of them. Listen, I was so bad at kickball (kickball!) that in my 4th grade yearbook, the gym teacher inscribed, “Lane, I will never forget the day you caught that ball!” The single day, the single time I caught a ball. It surprised us both. I fell down immediately after catching it.

But, I am good at a couple of things. I am an excellent swimmer. I am powerful and fast, and I just get how that works. I understand how to make my body plow through water like a shark is after me. Maybe because I am always afraid a shark is after me. No, I’m really a good swimmer. I like to pretend I am a spy in a Bond movie, and the fate of the world rests on my being able to swim X distance in Y amount of time. James Bond is very impressed with me. Romance ensues. Hey, it keeps my mind off Jaws, okay?

I am also good at tennis. I was a demon on the tennis court when I was younger, getting in literal hours of practice in my backyard, playing against the brick wall of my parents’ bedroom (until I broke out the window–amazing that it took years for me to do it, but that speaks to my great control, I think.) That’s something else I understand, and find very satisfying, but can’t play once the temperature is above 60. I honestly can’t take the heat. That pretty much kills the sport for me. Who plays tennis in winter?

Probably my best sport has been skating, though. I forget how good I am at that. I took Thor skating today, trying to burn off the cabin fever of the last four days. It’s been a few years since I was able to skate at my own leisure because I’ve had a small person attached to my hip. But today, he was offered a 15 minute lesson, and while he was learning to wiggle backwards, I had time to give the rink a go.

I would never be a very graceful figure skater, but I am freaking fast and powerful. And, again, I just understand what I need to do to fling my body into the air and land again on these little blades. Why I can do that, but can’t manage a layup, I’ll never understand. You put me in sneakers and I am hopeless, but you put me on blades and I just get it. Still, even if I’m not doing tricks (which I love to do, and am stupidly fearless with if no one is watching) I can push and fly around the ice at (also stupidly fearless) high speeds.

I took full advantage of that today. It felt so good! I’m going to pay for it tomorrow. My knees are 40 now, and I haven’t skated full on since my early 30s. I’ve missed it. I had no idea how much.

I do own my own skates…

I do only live 15 minutes from a rink now…

I wonder if they have some advanced classes for the elderly? I’d love to be able to land jumps again.

We have good insurance.