Category: Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Nicole

the outside lane

I met Nicole in a fan forum where we were writing a round robin style spy caper.  She was writing a spy who was a master of disguise, and I got quite a laugh when she disguised herself as a drum kit.  We started chatting and discovered a very similar taste in music, though her knowledge of it far surpasses mine, and a similar sense of humor.  Ten years later, Nicole is part of my every day life.  We chat almost every night, keeping up with each others families and friends, and writing. She is one Thor’s Aunties.

Nicole is a solid, good friend, who can be counted on for anything.  She is kind and creative, and impressively loyal.  I think what I like best about her is that she doesn’t stand for status quo in her life.  She is consistently moving forward, even when it looks like an uphill battle, striving to better herself and achieve her goals.

She is in the process of making some big life changes right now, and I’m impressed by the dedication and determination with which she is going after them, working to make things better for herself and for her mother.  That’s a great team right there.  Maybe I can get Nicole to Q&A her mom.

Until then, Meet Nicole.

Name: Nic
Age Range: 30s…barely
Preferred Job Title: Sr. Service Rep/Author
Industry: At the moment–Dental Insurance. Someday–publishing.

Who are you? That’s a hard question. I think I’m always in the process of learning who I am. I’m a woman, a daughter, a friend, a writer, a romantic. Each of these and sometimes all at once.
Describe your family: My mother, me, our dog. I lost my father last summer and I’m still adjusting to the void. I know I never will.
What does the first hour of your day look like? Cursing my alarm, then finally getting up and driving to work. I usually am not fully awake for a few hours.
The last hour? I am usually online at night. Writing, playing games. Reading or watching movies sometimes.
What makes you feel successful? Making it through the day without losing my mind. I know I’m not perfect and when I can make myself realize that even the smallest task can lead to accomplishment, I always feel better for it.
What brings you joy? Writing, my mother, my dog, my friends
What women do you admire? First and foremost, my mother. I know a large percentage of women would say the same thing, but my mother survived her abusive childhood and married a man who needed more tending than any woman should have to handle. She always loved him and me with everything she had and she’s my best friend. I am also fortunate enough to have an extensive number of friends–the writer of this blog, par example–who are strong, smart, funny women and I admire them all for different reasons.
What do you like best about yourself? My mind. My imagination saves me from despair more often than not.
What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades? 1st: Quiet, inquisitive. I didn’t know that people could be mean until I was in school. 6th: Introvert. I was the fat girl at school. Every class has one. I was her. Boys were mean and girls were meaner. 12th: Settled. I was an outcast and a misfit and so were my friends. I had a handful of real friends then and always a place where I belonged.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages? 1st: It won’t always be this way . 6th: They feel just as bad about themselves as they make you feel.  12th: These are some of the best times of your life. Enjoy them.

How do you want to be remembered? As a good friend, a caring person. I think, mostly, I just want to be remembered.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing–Who?

the outside lane

I am having a lot of fun with the Women Worth Knowing project.  I love getting to know more about these fantastic women, and am hoping this will grow some arms and women who have participated already will introduce us to the women they know.  And, I’m hoping that will bring more diversity.

I’m pretty white.  I’m about as white as you can get without having a medical condition (except that right now I am kind of faux wood finish colored, since I visited Planet Tan yesterday.)  I live in a mostly white neighborhood, work in a mostly white office, and have almost exclusively white friends. I’m really not sure how that happened.  I certainly didn’t make it a point to be so Wonder Bread! 

In all seriousness, since a big part of my last two corporate jobs had to do with diversity and inclusion I am hyper-aware of what my world looks like from the outside, and hyper-aware of the fact that the WWK is very one slice of pie so far.  I am missing entire demographics.  

We are off to a good start.  Currently, we are representing women from their late 20s through their 60s, single, married, with children and without, of varying faiths, heterosexual and bisexual, artists, scientists, secretaries, domestic engineers, and all sorts of other careers.  But, we are missing Black women, Native American women, Asian women, younger women, gay women, politicians, women in the military, and a thousand other things.  I want this to be bigger and better.

I hate categorizing.  I hate the idea of saying, “We need X of Y in order to look like Z.”  That’s not what I am after.  I am after women being able to pull up this project and say, “That’s someone who looks like me, who is doing something I wish I were doing, and someone I could emulate.”  I don’t believe in tokenism.  I believe in inclusion, and I worry that this project looks exclusionary based on my small world.

So, gentle readers, expand my world.  Introduce me to women worth knowing, so we can all meet them, too.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Julie Anne Rhodes

the outside lane

Used by permission, copyright Julie Anne Rhodes.

Julie Anne Rhodes is another Woman Worth Knowing I’ve never met in person.  She came to my attention with a literal sucker punch.  You see, an 8th grade classmate of mine was crying one morning because Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran and had gotten married.  I laughed at her.  She punched me in the stomach so hard, I had to go to the nurse’s office.  I learned two things that day:  Never laugh at a Duranie, and that there was such a thing as Julie Anne Rhodes.

Not long after, Julie Anne appeared in a People Magazine wearing what they called “a dress…only less.”  I remember this because I cut it out and kept it.  Julie Anne’s backless, bottom cleavage revealing frock lit my imagination.  I begged to have something similar, a more modest version, for a dance.  My mother compromised with me, and helped me make a headpiece similar to the one Julie Anne wore.  My date, definitely not Nick Rhodes, was underwhelmed.

Over the course of the next few years, I would see Julie Anne in candid photos with the likes of Andy Warhol and fashion shots as she made the globe with her husband and career, always wearing something that looked more like art than clothing.  Julie Anne made a huge impression on my taste.

Last year, I happened upon her blog, Jewels from The Roving Stove, and was delighted to find that she was wonderful to read.  Now an award winning chef and writer with a book on the way, she has gone from “VIP lounges in Versace, to service entrances in [her] apron.”

I tried a couple of her recipes and they were really good. My family liked them.  Her instructions were easy to follow, and I managed to cook them without setting my kitchen on fire.  I felt accomplished!  I sent her an email and she replied graciously, answering my questions and putting up with my effusive proclamations of, “OMG, and that hat!  I loved that hat!” Even better, she responded with a list of tools every kitchen should have, and I have been building my tool box using her template since.

Julie Anne writes about cooking with a passion.  I hate to call it cooking.  She writes about cheffing.  She cares about sharing what she knows, and making the world a healthier, tastier place.  There is a clear love of her work in her words, and it is a thrill to live vicariously through her blog, detailing her world travels and sparkling celebrity guest list.  Getting to know her through her writing was worth the punch in the stomach.  I do hope to meet her in person one day, if only to eyeball her wardrobe.  If I’m lucky, she’ll have been cooking.

Meet Julie Anne.

Name: Julie Anne Rhodes or just Jewels… I answer to both.

Preferred Job Title: Award-winning personal chef, writer, blogger

Industry: Food

Describe your family: ‘Leave it to Beaver’ meets ‘The Munsters’

What does the first hour of your day look like? Snuggled up with my dog Daisy and my laptop

The last hour? Snuggled up with my dog Daisy and my laptop

What makes you feel successful? Knowing my daughter is happy and has found her way in life, hearing “Mmmmmmmmmmm…” coming from the dining room of a client’s home, realizing people are actually reading my blogs, being told my agent (a top NY literary agent) wants to represent my book, and nearly being plowed down (to get to my food) by the crew of the last cooking show I did when the director yelled “cut”.

What brings you joy? When I stop to appreciate how blessed my life has been with extraordinary people, experiences and opportunities. Writing the blog is really just an extension of that joy.

What women do you admire? My Grandma was Auntie Mame, Endora, and Gloria Steinem all rolled into one. I adored no one more… http://jewelsfromtherovingstove.blogspot.com/2009/09/beetroot-war.html

What do you like best about your closest friend? We’re both really busy and live in different time zones, so we may not speak or see each other for quite a while, but we just pick up where we left off without skipping a beat when we do. We just know each other so well instinctively that it is an effortless, but true friendship.

What do you like best about yourself? That I can still find that childlike wonder within that fuels my lust for life.

What advice would you give boys about girls? Old fashioned chivalry is sexy.

What were you like at ages 6, 12, and 24? In too big of a hurry to grow up at 6 and 12, then needed to grow up at 24. I never could do life traditionally like everyone else.

What advice would you give to your 6, 12, and 24 year old selves? Not to believe anyone that tries to tell you that you can’t achieve something, never stop dreaming, and always strive for those dreams. It doesn’t matter if you fail and it doesn’t matter what people think, so long as you know you gave it your best shot.

How do you overcome adversity? Constantly reprogramming my thoughts to think positively, so I see the glass half full. There is a lesson in every experience, even the hard ones, so there is always a gift to be had when you think positively.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Karen

the outside lane

8th grade started out as a pretty decent year for me.  I wasn’t the new girl, having attended the same school for two years in a row, and I had actual friends, and was sharing a locker with one of them.  So, when the newest new girl showed up in my homeroom class after Christmas break, I was glad not to be the one having to find her way around, make new friends, and figure out a locker.  Sadly for her, when they tried to put her in my locker, it became apparent that I had gotten my own roommate ahead of time.  That was Karen’s first impression of me.  No room in the inn.

But soon enough, we bonded over the mutual threat of another girl who was determined to make haystacks of us in P.E. class.  Also, Karen introduced me to the Sweet Valley High novels, and I never turn down the chance to make a friend with someone who shares books.  In return, I introduced her to Duran Duran.  She still hasn’t forgiven me.  Discovering we lived near one another, we started walking home together.  Fifteen years later, we were sharing an apartment.

I have known Karen for so long, and so well that I’m having a hard time introducing her.  It’s like trying to describe my arm.  She’s just part of me.  But she is the dedicated, disciplined part.  She is the part that will practice, and study, and rehearse.  She is the part that will do whatever it takes to get the job done, and make it look effortless.  She is the part who will have your Mary Kay party even if she is allergic to the stuff.  She is the part who will come to the hospital just to hold your hand, when hospitals are horrifying to her.  She is the part that takes in stray kittens, even though they make her sneeze.  She is the part who will work hard to make sure you have everything you need.  She is the only person (other than his grandparents) I have ever asked to pick up Thor.  In short, you should know her.

Meet Karen.

First Name: Karen
Age Range (teens, twenties, thirties, forties, etc.): Thirties
Job Title: Administrative Assistant
Industry: Finance

Who are you?: At any given point in time, I am a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend, a niece, an aunt, a comedienne, a musician, a confidante, a mentor, a friend… Like most women, I don’t fit into one box. Who I am is defined not only by me, but also the circumstances in which I find myself.

At the office, I am a very efficient professional secretary (an outdated term, but accurate, nonetheless). I work hard to maintain a professional and approachable image. My duties demand discretion and accuracy, but also reach into the realm of mentor and cheerleader (and occasionally “camp counselor”) to the other members of the office team.

Off the clock, I am a musician. Sometimes that requires being a clown. Sometimes that requires a great deal of propriety. A wedding requires a great deal more decorum than a concert designed to entertain grade-school children. All of it requires focus and skill – not only interpreting the music, but also interpreting the audience’s mood and expectations.

I have many friends, but I doubt more than two or three would describe me the same way. Those who have known me the longest would probably have the hardest time, as our roles in each others’ lives have grown and evolved over the years.

Describe Your Family: My family started off traditionally enough. Two parents, two older brothers, four grandparents – lots of cousins, some of whom I still don’t know – the standard childhood menagerie of dogs and cats, even a raccoon at one time. Eventually, my brothers moved out to go to college, and my parents decided to become gypsies – not really, but we did move quite a bit during my teen years. I had to make new friends (frequently), then I had to deal with sisters-in-law and nieces and nephews. It was all very confusing; however, in recent years, I have come to discover that my friends have become the family I have chosen, rather than the family I was born to. I’m exceptionally lucky in that some members of my biological family are also members of my chosen family. [Since answering these questions, Karen has become engaged.  I wouldn’t be doing my job as a nosy friend if I didn’t edit him into this picture.]

What does the first hour of your day look like? The very first hour of my day looks very blurry as I attempt to wake up, get dressed and drive to the office.

What does the last hour of your day look like? I typically use the last hour of the day to wind down: I determine what clothes I need to wear (I’m too fuzzy-headed in the morning to make rational decisions about attire); it’s not unusual for me to take a shower or bath before getting ready for bed; and finally, I like to read for a little while in bed before going to sleep.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Martha

the outside lane

Ten years ago, I started reading a little column on MSN.com by Martha Brockenbrough.  The Mommy Chronicles followed her on her journey as a new mother, and from the first read I was a fan.  You see, in the very first article I read Martha’s baby had lost her shoes as they were walking.  Worried about the baby’s tiny feet, Martha contemplated stopping in a bakery to buy warm rolls that would pass for shoes until they got home.  It was exactly the sort of thing my mother would have done.  I was in love.

Soon after, the column turned into a blog and then the blog turned into a book (which I gave to my mother for Mother’s Day one year), and Martha’s fight against bad grammar (through The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar) took up arms with another Brockenbrough penned book.  She currently writes for MSN.com’s, Mom’s Homeroom, for Cozi.com’s, Maybe Means Probably Not, and the Chinook Update.  This means it is easy to get a Martha fix.

Full disclosure:  I don’t know Martha Brockenbrough.  I feel like I do, since I’ve been reading about her life for a decade, but she doesn’t know me from Stalker Stan.  What I know of her, I learned through her writing.  Her writing is warm and witty, kind, practical, and honest like a razor cut.  Do you know what I mean?  It is honesty that cuts right to the heart of the matter, and you laugh for a couple of seconds before saying, “Ouch!  I need to address that!”  In other words, the best kind of honesty.  She is exactly the kind of person I would choose for a friend.

Martha’s writing had a great influence on how I viewed my own pregnancy, and her sense of humor about motherhood and her children have had an impact on my experience.  Sadly, even though I am a member of SPOGG, I still haven’t tamed my comma usage.  I will keep reading her, and hopefully one day I will learn not to write exactly the way I speak.

Meet Martha.

Name: Martha Brockenbrough
Age Range: 40s
Preferred Job Title: writer
Industry: publishing

Describe your family: I have a husband, two daughters, and a dog.

What does the first hour of your day look like?

I’m up each day, usually by 5 a.m. Actually, I’m usually up before then. But when I hear the birds start chirping at 5, I give myself permission to get out of bed and start writing. I put on my grandma robe and a pair of fluffy socks and bask in the unhealthy glow of a computer screen. Truly, though, I love this first hour of the day because there is nothing but potential ahead of me. I am not yet a failure! Yes! And if I have a good writing morning, I can savor that the rest of the day, and possibly lord it over other people that I was working when they were drooling into their pillows. Three mornings a week, I hit an early yoga class after my writing hour. That puts the pressure on, but it also releases it. Isn’t that Zen? (Actually, I don’t really know. I just happen to function better when there is a clock running.)

The last hour?

This is when I read in bed or watch TV next to my husband. When I remember, I also like to put coconut body butter on my heels so that I can fight off joining the tribe of the Lizard People for one more day. Honestly, it’s usually a fight to stay awake, but I do want to have the illusion that some part of my day is purely given to relaxation and/or wondering when Mr. Schuster’s finally gonna get some on Glee. Also, I don’t want to follow a kindergartner’s sleep schedule.

What makes you feel successful?

When I see my kids are happy, when I see that they’re kind to other people, and when I see that they feel some responsibility for the world, I feel successful. And by world, I mean the rain forest, homeless kittens, and other such things. If I defined my sense of success on whether they’d made their beds or done their homework carefully, I would start abusing dark chocolate. Also, it’s also nice to be able to pay the bills on time. I’m proud that I’m able to do that as a writer. If I had a nickel for everyone who told me I wouldn’t be able to, I would also be able to pay my bills on time. That’s a win-win, right?

What brings you joy?

There are so many things. I of course get joy from crafting the perfect sentence. But there’s a lot of baggage that goes with that, too–mostly the fear that the rest of my sentences don’t measure up. So I actually probably get more joy out of little things…watching my kids crack each other up, that feeling you get when you’re eating dinner outside on a perfect summer evening, the satisfaction of tossing the dirty towels into the laundry chute without missing…it’s when stuff is going smoothly that I’m happy. God, I really am turning 40, aren’t I?

What women do you admire?

I actually don’t keep a list of famous women I admire. Magazines do that for us, (Hi, Oprah! Call me!) I find myself admiring my friends quite a bit, though. I have a large group of supportive, loving pals, and each one of them juggles many responsibilities, faces challenges–some huge–and keeps getting out of bed every day to be present in the world no matter what, without making special demands or whining. I find it beautiful to watch.

What do you like best about your closest friend?

She has a really nice ass. Oh, but I kid. I mean she does. But honestly, it’s her ability to make me laugh and call me on my baloney.

What do you like best about yourself?

On most days, I’d say it’s my endurance and capacity for hard work. I really don’t give up on things, and it’s nice knowing that I don’t have to be afraid of failure. There’s always another shot. Which is good, because I generally need one.

What advice would you give boys about girls?

If you want to get something done in life, ask a girl to work with you. If you want to be happy, be kind to girls. If you want to be able to respect yourself, respect girls. And if you do anything bad to one of my daughters, I will hunt you down and make you pay.

How do you overcome adversity?

I look at adversity as the thing that will make me better. In other words, it’s not something to overcome. It’s an ally. I ask what I can learn from things that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. I let go of things that aren’t working for me. And I try to make sure I’m not my own source of adversity–either through self-doubt or procrastination, or any other number of static-creating practices. The truth is, there will always be adversity and each one of us is going to lose the final battle of life. So it’s all about using what we can as leverage to venture as far as our hearts want us to go.

How do you want to be remembered?

As someone you could count on, no matter what.