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Thank You, Dr. Freud

the outside lane

Sometimes it is just a cigar.

I am taking a break from a specific website (which is sad because it is one of the only sites I can see from work now, and my days get long) because I am just tired of the drama. Racist! Sexist! ‘Phobic! Everything is an exclamation, and three quarters of the time it is inflammation. It’s gotten to the point that they can’t even keep themselves and their own rules straight, and it’s gotten to the point that I am deleting more comments than I am posting. Don’t want to offend anyone, and don’t want to pee in anyone’s playground.

This means finding new ways of entertaining myself, of course. CNN.com isn’t all that amusing. Maybe I’ll subscribe to CQ.com. At least I know the editors there are trustworthy and generally quite straight forward.

Howling Sea Lane, Style

Floral Arrangements

the outside lane

I have fifteen minutes before I need to be out of the house, on my way to work. Since Thor is spending it discovering the joys of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, I am spending it with you.

Today, I am wearing what is commonly known as a “big ass flower”. Some days call for a big ass flower. Which days? Days that require mental armor.

I am going into a rough week and have gird up my loins with fashion accessories. You see, a big ass flower distracts the eye and the mind. No one can try to force you into a serious conversation when you are wearing a big ass flower. It is the sartorial equivalent of a clown nose. How do you even try to take a clown nose seriously? You don’t. The same way you don’t take a gigantic yellow posey seriously.

On the other hand, no one is going to mess with a woman whose huevos are so big that she will wear a flower the size of a baby’s head as an accessory. She might be crazy. She might have a Walther PK-5 hidden behind the stamen. She might be wearing that big ass flower to throw you off the fact that she’s ready to take off her shoe and stab you in the eye with the heel.

Some days just call for a big ass flower.

This is one of them for me.

(You will also notice that I have limited my accessorizing to the big ass flower. I might be crazy, but I’m still only dressed to a 6 for the office.)

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Jennifer

the outside lane

Jennifer is another friend made through a friendship first with her husband, and the third Jennifer among the Women Worth Knowing project, which bears out the popularity of the pretty name. However, like her counterparts here, this Jennifer is entirely unique.

A creative woman, she is the owner of One Star Designs, making and selling her own jewelry. She is crafty and practical, and I have introduced her to other of my friends through Facebook and LiveJournal because of her wealth of knowledge regarding Celiac disease, and gluten-free living. One of the things I really appreciate about her, is her willingness to share information. When Jennifer knows something, she will take the time to teach someone else about it. She doesn’t just store up her knowledge: She actually uses her knowledge to help other people.

Jennifer is a kind, compassionate woman, whose appreciation for life and living it are apparent in all she does. She cares about people. She cares about connections. She cares about–well, if you’re reading this, there is a good chance she cares about you.

Meet Jennifer.

Name: Jennifer Julian
Age Range: 30’s
Preferred Job Title: Homemaker/Jewelry Designer
Industry: Wearable art!

Describe your family: I have a crazy Yeti of a husband and a little dog that talks back when you speak to her. My husband, Justin, is a kind, loving, generous man with a heart as big as he is. Our dog, Pumpkin, is a little orange and white Jack Russell Terrier who would tell you she’s a pretty pretty princess who deserves to be respected as the royalty she is. We humor her and give her lots of cookies when she isn’t being a pain in the neck.

What does the first hour of your day look like? I don’t have a typical day. I consider myself a homemaker, but I generally put in far more hours working on my business than I do standard homemaker stuff. I usually keep whatever schedule Justin is on, which varies. When I wake up, I get settled on the sofa, get my laptop on, and start the digital side of my business. (Networking on Facebook and other sites, hunting for new suppliers of inventory, taking care of sales and answering questions, etc.) After the initial wave of that is over, I’ll start beading, maybe after starting a load of dishes or laundry.

The last hour? By the end of the night, I’m usually still working. We’ll sit and watch a movie or a TV show while I bead. Eventually, Justin will force me to stop long enough to get me into bed…if I don’t fall asleep with my tools in my hands. Did I mention I’m kind of a workaholic? Justin is constantly trying to convince me to focus on resting, and we’re working on that. It’s a work in progress.

What makes you feel successful? A day when I feel I’ve done what God wants me to do, spent some time with my husband, and gotten some work done, is a successful day to me. I feel most successful when I can use One Star Designs to help people. Sometimes I’m able to give jewelry to people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get it and need a good lift up. The other night we went to see a concert, and the band lives on the road only on the donations of others. They don’t even charge to play. It was a great honor to be able to outfit the woman in the band with plenty of new sparklies. That made me feel far more successful than any sale.

What brings you joy? God, Justin, Pumpkin, making people happy, old school goth music, and a good horror flick!

What women do you admire? Mother Theresa is a role model of mine, because of her love and compassion. She stood up and said that there are no ‘throwaways’ in life, that we’re all worth loving and caring for. She did what God told her to do, despite any cost to herself, caring for those that nobody else would.

What do you like best about yourself? My creativity. It allows me to see the world from a different angle than most people. Many people look at a cemetery and see death, and are afraid of it, or hate it. I don’t see it that way. I also see it as a celebration of life, monuments to those who have gone before that testify to what they left behind. I also see the way the shadows and light play off the stones and see the beautiful art contained there. My creativity lets me see that things aren’t just black and white, I feel I see more of the whole spectrum of color between.

What advice would you give boys about girls? Girls think with their heart, and many times it’s out on their sleeve, exposed. Just remember that and be gentle.

How do you overcome adversity? God. I pray about it, ask what I should do, and He tells me. And some of the time, I actually do it. The rest, I forge ahead, stubbornly, and after banging my head against the wall a few times I remember, ‘oh, yeah, God told me to do it this way’ and I actually do what He says.

How do you want to be remembered? My sister says that my epitaph should say ‘she never met someone she didn’t like, and probably loved them all more than she should have’. I don’t necessarily agree with either side of that entirely. I just want what the Bible says about God at the end: ‘well done my good and faithful servant’. I just don’t want anyone to die feeling unloved, and if I leave having accomplished that as much as I can, I’ll be happy.

Women Worth Knowing

Women Worth Knowing: Meet Emily

the outside lane

I really like Emily Reese.

Some introductions are easy because words about the women just flow. Some introductions are harder because I can’t quite wrap words around what I feel. Emily is one of the harder ones because when I think of her, my brain just shuts off. Why? Because I smile so widely that my thinking centers shut down, assuming that I’m in the middle of some bubbly kind of fun. See, when you’re with Emily, it’s usually in the middle of some bubbly kind of fun because Emily IS bubbly kind of fun.

When I think of Emily, I am simply overwhelmed with fondness for her. She is sweet and considerate, obliging and helpful, and wants very much for you to feel at home, and happy in her company. She is the Florence Nightengale of friendships, caring and nursing, keeping watch over the temperatures, and doing what needs done to keep things healthy and in good shape. And the usual: She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s informed, and she can cook up a storm.

Thor and Autumn
I am very fortunate to know Emily through having had a wonderful working friendship with her husband, Ryan. Ryan is another great favorite of mine, and I don’t mind telling you that their daughter is the only child I would even joke about letting Thor date. See, if I had to pick in-laws for my son, I think the Reeses are top notch. That should tell you exactly how highly I think of them.

Meet Emily.

Name: Emily Reese
Age Range: 20s
Preferred Job Title: Stay at Home Mommy
Industry: Autumn

Who are you? I’m Autumn’s Mama, Ryan’s Beautiful Wife, Judy’s Angel Baby, Zoe’s Center of the Universe, Nash’s Florence Nightengale, Nita’s Mobile Cat Bed

Describe your family: I’m married to my soulmate, who is a wonderful, though not always easy man. I’m mother to the most beautiful, goofy, intelligent little girl in the history of ever. I have a Wonder Pug and two kitties.

What does the first hour of your day look like? I feed everyone, make sure everyone uses the potty where they’re supposed to, then enjoy some cuddle time while watching Nick Jr.

The last hour? A shower if I’m lucky, working on my novel, putting my cold hands and feet on Ryan and listening to him squeal.

What makes you feel successful? I feel successful when Autumn figures something out, or when I get compliments on her. That means I’m doing a good job.

What brings you joy? Pugs. They’re just furry bunches of love snot and exuberance. Also, when Autumn gets really excited about something she’s discovered and laughs out loud and does an excited dance.

What women do you admire? I admire my Mom, she’s taught me that you can do anything by yourself if it’s for the right reason.

What do you like best about your closest friend? He still lets me put my cold feet on him, even though it makes him squeal. : )

What do you like best about yourself? Feature wise? I’ve always liked my eyes. Personality wise, I like my need to nurture. It’s very rewarding.

What advice would you give boys about girls? Don’t touch mine. Also, always introduce yourself to a girl’s parents the first time you go over to their house. Nothing says “little $hit” like waiting outside by the mailbox for her to get home from school and her parents having to ask who you are.

How do you overcome adversity? Lists help. If I can just make a list of the steps I need to accomplish to overcome my problem, I feel like I can tackle the little steps and get through it.

How do you want to be remembered? As a good Mommy, a supportive and thoughtful wife, and a daughter to be proud of. After that, everything is just gravy on the potatoes.

Howling Sea Lane

Starbucks Scags

the outside lane

I stopped by Starbucks this morning, hoping for twelve ounces of energy or something, and walked into my local to stand in line. Behind me, lounging on a circle of sofas as you can usually find them in the mornings, were some of the younger retirees of the community. We’re talking late 40s, early 50s.

My local is close to work, situated in the town center of a very affluent community. It is highly likely that the men behind me drove cars worth more than my house. I digress.

While I was standing there, two girls in their school gym/track uniforms were walking out, and one of the men engaged them as they were trying to leave, asking what year they were in school. They picked up speed, said they were graduating, and then hurried out the door.

As they were leaving, while they were still within earshot, that man let out a low whistle and said, “They’re about to be fair game. Couple of months, and those little hotties are legal–fair game.”

I cannot even tell you how quickly that ignited my rage. I turned around in all my mother-of-a-pre-schooler glory and gave them the nastiest, most disgusted mother-look I could manage, and said, “Really? Ech.” I made eye contact with all three of them, shook my head and turned back around. They demurred, then giggled nervously, and changed the topic of conversation to baseball.

No. Tolerance.

Fair game? Like it is duck hunting season and they have targets painted on their backs.

I have news for you, Men. We are not prey. We are not objects. We are not here for your pleasure.

I realize that I am rapidly approaching an age of invisibility, where my lack of youth will make it easy for you to dismiss me and my opinion as not being worthwhile–after all, sagging breasts are a sign of dementia. I am past the point of being looked upon as something pleasurable. I’m sure you think that I am just jealous that you weren’t eyeballing me when I walked into the store, and I’m sure you think you’re quite the catches anyway. Let me tell you something: You’re not.

You are gross. You are disgusting. You are jokes. You were nasty when I was a cute teenager, and you’re nasty now that I am a grown woman.

How dare you invade those girls’ space with your leering and your commentary? Those girls went into Starbucks to pick up drinks on their way to school, wearing school uniforms-clothing they were required to wear, not outfits they had chosen–and you turned it into a gauntlet of drooling boobs they had to run in order to do something that should have been safe and mundane. You turned children, because those were children, into punchlines for your libido, and you didn’t give a damn how that made them feel. All you saw were parts, not people, and you treated those girls like tits and asses, not like human beings. You should be ashamed.

If I ever caught my son doing something like that, I would be ashamed.

I have no idea how to end this blog entry. So, I’m just going to wander away muttering about trash, and new money.