I have fifteen minutes before I need to be out of the house, on my way to work. Since Thor is spending it discovering the joys of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, I am spending it with you.

Today, I am wearing what is commonly known as a “big ass flower”. Some days call for a big ass flower. Which days? Days that require mental armor.

I am going into a rough week and have gird up my loins with fashion accessories. You see, a big ass flower distracts the eye and the mind. No one can try to force you into a serious conversation when you are wearing a big ass flower. It is the sartorial equivalent of a clown nose. How do you even try to take a clown nose seriously? You don’t. The same way you don’t take a gigantic yellow posey seriously.

On the other hand, no one is going to mess with a woman whose huevos are so big that she will wear a flower the size of a baby’s head as an accessory. She might be crazy. She might have a Walther PK-5 hidden behind the stamen. She might be wearing that big ass flower to throw you off the fact that she’s ready to take off her shoe and stab you in the eye with the heel.

Some days just call for a big ass flower.

This is one of them for me.

(You will also notice that I have limited my accessorizing to the big ass flower. I might be crazy, but I’m still only dressed to a 6 for the office.)