Posted in Inside Lane

You’ll Be Okay


I recognize that if you are inclined to believe Caitlyn Jenner wants to rape your daughter in the bathroom, and Josh Duggar is a great catch, you probably aren’t reading my blog. I recognize that if [you have stumbled across this page and] you are inclined to believe that you can only trust cisgender heterosexuals, nothing I write will change your mind. I know I am preaching to the choir. But what a choir it is!

And since you all love to sing, I’d like us to learn a song together. If we are all singing the same song, maybe someone else will pick up the tune and start singing along. We need it to be an earworm, though, so let’s do it to the tune of The Lion Sleeps Tonight

For the A-weema-wehs, we’re going to sing, “You’ll be okay”

Altos, take the melody for once. You deserve it.

We’ll let Teddy the Tenor sing the “oooooh” parts.

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

In the toilet, the Target toilet
someone needs to pee
In the toilet, the Target toilet
someone needs to pee

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

82% of all rapes reported
are perpetrated by someone the victim knows
82% of all of rapes reported
are perpetrated by someone the victim knows

Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, you’re going to be okay

Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, you’re going to be okay

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

Hush my darling don’t fear my darling
The person in Target just wants to pee
Hush my darling don’t fear my darling
The person in Target just wants to pee

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, you’re going to be okay

Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, you’re going to be okay

What if it was your child, show some compassion
That person just needs to pee
What if it was your child, show some compassion
That person just needs to pee

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

If there’s a creeper, creeping in the bathroom
then by all means, call the police
But if someone’s just trying to use the toilet
for pete’s sake give them some peace

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

(You’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay)

Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, you’re going to be okay

Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, oooh, you’re going to be okay

For statistics about rape, I recommend visiting RAINN.org.

If you are really, and truly afraid of being raped by a transperson in a bathroom, I recommend making friends with a transperson over coffee at your favorite café. If you are really afraid, I am so sorry–not in a condescending way. I am sorry because you are missing out on some really great people, and if you are afraid of transpeople, it is likely you are afraid of a lot of other things–maybe just because they are different, and you don’t understand them.

Let me say this one other way: I do not like clowns. At all. I will cross the street to avoid a clown. I will also hold my bladder to avoid using the restroom if I know a clown is in there, and I would NOT send my child into the bathroom with a clown–though he does not share my coulrophobia. As awful as I think clowns are, and as much as I CANNOT FATHOM why anyone would want to dress that way, I don’t think there should be a law banning clowns from using the toilet, even though there is actual precedence of clowns killing people for fun.

We don’t need to be afraid of transpeople, or gay people, or clown people*. We need to be wary of rapists, most of whom are people we already know.

If the body has a bladder, let it pee.

Ooh…

When I find myself outside a bathroom, worried who’ll be there with me
I think, “If the body has a bladder, let it pee.”
I don’t have to fear a stranger, unless the stranger’s in the stall with me
If the body has a bladder, let it pee.
Let it pee, let it pee, let it pee, let it pee
If the body has a bladder, let it pee.

* I apologize to all the clown-people out there. I promise never to discriminate against you. I also promise that if you come to close to me, I will cry, and not just because I think that is an ungodly use of cosmetics.

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Author:

Happy. That about covers it.

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