We went to one of our favorite restaurants for lunch yesterday, and before drinks were even served, I heard a voice I recognized.  The hair went up on the back of my neck, and my skin started to crawl. 

I tried to pretend I didn’t hear it.  When that didn’t work, I tried to pretend it didn’t matter that I could hear it.  When that didn’t work, I looked at B and hissed, “If I wanted to listen to effing Dora the Explorer, I would go home and turn on television.”

Every parent has at least one show that just makes you want to jab a Q-tip so deeply into your ears that you never have to hear its theme song again.  Dora is mine, mainly because DORA SHOUTS EVERY WORD SHE SAYS! AND EVERY SENTENCE ENDS IN AN EXCLAMATION POINT!  AND IF THE SHOUTING AND EXCLAIMING ISN’T BAD ENOUGH! EVERY EPISODE IS A SOLID BLOCK OF REPETITION–SHOUTING AND EXCLAIMING THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

I did my best not to shoot nasty looks at the parents who were sitting diagonal to us, who had placed an iPad in front of their toddler with Dora going at full volume.  On the one hand, yes, the child was entertained so they weren’t worried about her making a fuss.  On the other hand, DORA THE EXPLORER AT FULL VOLUME IS WORSE THAN A CRYING CHILD!

I have nothing against using electronic devices to distract and entertain–I have been known to hand over the smart phone to keep my own child distracted in certain situations–but there is an etiquette to be followed.  Low to no volume is required in public.  Or headphones.  Because we’re all paying to enjoy an expected environment.  Expectation of atmosphere is part of why you patronize a business, and if I know Dora is part of the equation, I’m not going there.

I’d rather hear a kid scream.

What’s the kid’s show that makes your ears bleed?