Posted in books, Reviews

A Book Review: HAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHA! HAHAHA–uh–HAHAH!


“My point is that I may not know that Des Moines is the capital of Iowa without Googling it first, but I’m skealthy [a coined term meaning skinny & healthy]and I feel great, and accoding to the people who hire me to model their clothes, I look pretty good, too.”

Sarah Deanna, from Supermodel YOU

I love Amanda deCadanet’s show The Conversation.  I’ve learned a few good things from talks she’s had with her guests, and when she had Sarah Deanna on, I was intrigued by Deanna’s background.  I am a sucker for a good overcomer story, and Deanna’s poverty-to-business-school-to-runway-model tale fit the bill.  Thinking I’d learn a little bit more about that, I bought her book Supermodel YOU.  Amanda owes me some money.

I’ve been wanting to blog about this for weeks, but I had to wait until I could a) quit laughing, b) quit giving myself whiplash from shaking my head, c) muffle my inner mean girl.  Yesterday, I realized I was never going to get to that point, so here it is.

This book is ludicrious.  It is hilariously misguided, terribly written, and just…awful.  But don’t let me tell you.  Let me just drop some choice quotes.

“Your days of making excuses are over–[models] don’t sit around making a million excuses for why we’re not at the weight we want to be.  You’d never hear Heidi Cklum or any other model mommy complaining about how she can’t lose the baby weight.  Heidi Klum doesn’t make excuses, because ther are none!”

“There are other reasons why models maintain a lower body weight than the normal population, and they tend to be reason taht result from healthy behaviors, not unhealthy ones.”

“I don’t have thunder thighs anymore because I took control of my genes and changed my environment and habits and my life.”  (Deanna talks about how she is 5’10” and weighs 117lbs, and earlier writes of how she was asked to lose 20lbs to start modeling.  So, at 5’10” and 137lbs, she was calling herself overweight, and saying she had thunder thighs.)

“The models I know get most of their exercise by going dancing, shopping, or just running around on the job.  The trick is that they think they are getting enough exercise.”

“Most models don’t drink a lot either.”  Excuse me while I stop laughing again.

To be skealthy, you need the 5 Keys, which are:  Self Awareness, Beauty Sleep, De-Stressing, Modercizing (the model version of exercise, which is just natural movement, and not movement for the sake of exercising–sweet lord), and Intuitive Eating (if it makes you feel good, eat it.  if it makes you feel bad, don’t eat it.  Also, you should “think about howyou look when you eat, you might just change your style.”)

So, forget your overactive thyroid, or your medication, or the fact that you have a metabolism.  If you will just love yourself, get lots of massages, take naps, never go to the gym, and sit in front of a mirror while you eat (yes, that advice is in there) you will no longer be overweight, but you will become magically skealthy.

I can’t.  I can’t.  This book.

According to this book, I should weigh about 4lbs because I LOVE myself, and naps, and massages, haven’t been to the gym in months, and only eat things that make me feel good.  Like the pancakes I had for lunch.  Only, pancakes aren’t allowed because they aren’t organic.

I hate to criticize because Deanna seemed like such a sweetheart on The Conversation, and she is so peppy and earnest in her writing.  She’s that sweet cheerleader who is telling you that you don’t have to be Dumptruck Martha anymore!  Just, like, you know, be magical!  Totally!  Yeah! 

God bless her.  At one point she pleads for someone to give her an honorary biochemistry degree after delighting that she verified her theorem of how everyone should eat by watching the cast and crew over an extended Stella McCartney fashion shoot.

I just can’t.  I’m laughing again.

1 out of 5 stars.

(It gets the 1 star because it made me laugh so much, and I love to laugh.)

 

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Author:

Happy. That about covers it.

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