More than a few people have asked me if I would tell them how my endoscopy/colonoscopy procedures went, so I figured I would just write it up here. Short story: Not too bad.
I stopped eating solids (save for a snack of sheer roughage) around 5pm on Saturday, then went on a liquid fast Sunday. At 5pm on Sunday, I started the MoviPrep treatment, which is basically 2 liters of evil that you drink, separated by and followed by another liter each of clear liquid (I chose water.) The first liter of evil will relieve you of anything solid. The second liter of evil will turn your backside into a full blast shower head.
I did all right on the first LoE. You drink it in 3 or 4 doses over the course of an hour. I did it in 3 because I am a masochist. When I got to the second liter, I wasn’t feeling it at all. No, that’s not true. I was feeling it, and it was feeling like it was going to come right back up. Afraid they would tell me I had to drink more, I defied my tummy thetans and kept it down. I was immediately, and seriously ill. I got in bed and whined until I fell asleep/passed out (kind of more the latter) for two hours. Then, the unnatural call of nature arrived. I stopped having liquids around 10pm.
The draino doing its work wasn’t even so bad. I expected cramping and pain, but didn’t have any at all. A pretty impressive laxative, if you ask me. I was up every hour, or so, but it wasn’t ever painful.
I got up Monday morning, and even though I felt a little weak, I was okay. I wanted a cup of coffee, but did not give in. Walked Thor to school, and came home to get dressed for the doctor. I had prepped, in my Sunday bath, as though for a hot date. After my first dose of drugs, I told this to the nurses, who were appreciative. They said a lot of people didn’t bother. Listen, if someone has to be down there, we may as well make it as pleasant as possible.
I checked into the surgery center, my mother at my side, at 9:15, and was in the prep station at 10:15. The staff were fantastic and helpful, and everyone was quite merry for people who spend their days poking cameras up anuses. I got into my gown (open at the back) and under my warm blanket, and the nurse started my I.V. with one poke. That done, I was rolled down the hall into my procedure room, where the real fun began.
Another nurse and scope tech explained what was about to happen (this was the 3rd explanation–endoscopy first, where they would snake my esophagus, and then they would turn the table around and snake my intestines), and my doctor appeared to make sure I was happy. He gave the nod and I was asked to curl up on my side. I got my first shot of cocktail, made a couple of dirty remarks about the anesthesia used to kill my gag reflex, and my hot date prep, and I had time to say, “I’m feeling kind of groggy,” before it all went black.
I vaguely remember hearing someone say, “Okay, we’re starting the next procedure now,” and then nothing until I woke up with a start in the recovery room, with my mother staring at me.
The ride home is a blur. I got into the house in time for some copious vomiting, but for the volume, that wasn’t even so bad. I slept most of the day, only really getting up around 6pm, then going back to bed for the night at 8.
I got up at 6:30 this morning, and as I was warned, I have a sore throat (feels like I’ve coughed too much) and have the feeling that I’ve overdone it on the situps (from the pressure applied to my abdomen to help the scope go in the right direction.) I am not uncomfortable or inconvenienced in any way, though. I think I might like another day to sleep, but that’s because I like sleeping. I’m headed to work in 10 minutes.
I got a really good report. Everything looked normal and nice (and very clean!) save for some esophageal erosion from reflux. The doctor biopsied my esophagus, and I should have the pathology back next week.
Horror! Is that really Carrie Fisher on my television hawking Jenny Craig? No!
Anyway, it wasn’t bad. For those of you who are up next, the worst part is the MoviPrep. It is truly evil tasting–I can’t even explain it–but it works. No need to worry. No need to be afraid. I have boldly gone there ahead of you, and am happy to say it wasn’t bad at all. It was much easier and less embarrassing than a gyno exam! Maybe I should ask for knock out drops for those, too?