Posted in Advice, Diet, Food, Health

Water Logged: A cautionary tale

As part of an ongoing, uphill battle in the care and feeding of my lazy, pizza-loving bones, last week I made a serious commitment to drinking more water.  I bought a pitcher and a boat load of fruit, and started dressing up the tap with orange and grapefruit slices.  Because I am frequently guilty of acting first and thinking later, I decided to set a water goal of 3 pitchers full. 

Day One, I drank 3 pitchers full of water, and I did not feel great.  On the plus side, I also did not want any pizza.  Or anything else, for that matter. 

Day Two, I drank 2.5 pitchers full of water, and I did not feel great.  I also had a massive headache.

Day Three, I drank 2 pitchers full of water and then started wondering exactly how much water I was drinking.  There was no measurement information on the bottom of the pitcher, so I guesstimated that I was putting about 2.5 bottles of water into the pitcher, and I thought those bottles had about 12 ounces in them.  I decided 2 pitchers was probably the most I should drink.

Days Four and Five I drank about 2 pitchers, and ate Tylenol because my head was so hurty!

I skipped the pitcher over the weekend and just drank normally, and felt better.  Hmm.

So, today I actually measured.  My pitcher holds, including the fruit slices, 3.5 bottles of water, and those bottles of water hold 16.9 ounces each.  I’ve been filling this thing to the brim, meaning on Day One, I drank 177.5 ounces of water PLUS a few cups of coffee.  No wonder my head started feeling like a cement balloon.

The Mayo Clinic would like you to know that while the amount of water a person should drink varies, most women do well with 1.9 to 2.2 liters of fluid per day–water or other liquids.  More than that is overkill.

If you don’t count the coffee, on Day One I drank 5.25 liters of water.

Days 2–5, I drank somewhere between 3.5 and 4.375 liters of water.

Go big, or go home.

I think I’ll be dialing it back a few notches.  Like 2 notches.  1 pitcher of water a day is plenty enough.  I’d hate for you to have to wring out my sodden corpse after I collapse from Water Intoxication.  Although, it does explain the headaches.

Posted in 2the9s, Diet, Health

You Look Fat in That Body

I’ve written many, many posts about size and weight. I’ve written many, many posts about diets and fitness.  I’ve gone up and down between 3 sizes for the past four years, seemingly unable to break through the barrier to get down to the Lane Ideal.  Pfft.  Who am I kidding.  I lose interest in it and quit eating according to The Plan(s) and Fitnessing (when they say it is a lifestyle change, they mean it.)  If I stuck to it, I could do it.  I just don’t have the desire.  I know Kate Moss thinks nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but she’s probably never had a Reuben from Schlotzky’s, Paneer Tikka Masala from Hot Breads, or Tacos al Carbon from Rosa’s either.  Those, my friends, those all taste better than a size 2 could ever make me feel.

Last night, I was at an event, standing with a group of people, wearing my new JLo dress with a smart shrug and fantastic jewelry, feeling pretty good if you discount the beads of sweat rolling down my spine in the Texas heat.  My hair was working.  My makeup was working.  I was feeling 100% pulled together.  As I was talking with several of my colleagues, a newcomer sharing in the conversation suddenly halted.  He put his hand on his chest and said, “From the first time I saw you [a month ago at another event], I thought you looked like that singer, Adele.”

I happen to think Adele is really beautiful, so I was opening my mouth to thank him so much, when he put both hands up, kind of moved them up and down indicating my torso and said, “But not because you’re… Uh… I mean to say… I hope that doesn’t offend you!  I don’t want to offend you!”

And then I was confused for a split second until I realized he meant he didn’t want to offend me by saying I reminded him of Adele because we are both blonde, blue-eyed and fat.

Adele at the Grammy’s in 2012. If you put me in those dresses, I would probably fill them out almost exactly as she does.

Of course I wasn’t offended at being compared to Adele, but the looks on the faces around me, and his hand flapping was a little embarrassing.  Was I supposed to have been offended?  Were my hips the elephant in the room?  I know what size I wear (my dress was a 14/16, by the way) and I know what my measurements are.  It isn’t surprising to me that no one confuses me for Katy Perry, who has the hottest body in music right now.

Katy Perry, who, when she is blonde, could be Adele’s conventionally hot sister. She has an amazing figure!

I am not ashamed of how I look.  I also don’t expect anyone to pretend I look like something I’m not.  The other day, I was asked whether I would attend a pool party if invited.  Well, sure!  I love pool parties.  But, the next question came, would you be willing to get into the pool?  Because some girls won’t wear swimsuits in public, you know.

That set me off laughing.  You can look at me in my day clothes and know I’m not going to peel off a fat suit down into a string bikini.  All I’m going to do is put on my old faithful Esther Williams suit and look like a slice of luscious cherry cheesecake, with some dimpled thighs for good measure.

Old faithful. My Esther Williams swimsuit. Photo taken a few years back–same size as I am today, though.

We put way too much weight on size.  Be who you are.  Be proud of who you are.  Don’t wait until you look a certain way to love how you look–or you never will.  Don’t wait until you look a certain way to be proud of yourself–or you never will be.

I’m pretty chuffed to be compared to Adele.  Now, if someone would just tell me my voice was as brilliant!


Posted in Diet

You Are What You Eat–Dang.

My new doctor has me keeping a food and exercise diary for a couple of weeks. I’m not new to the food diary, given my dedication to calorie counting a few years ago, but I haven’t written down my diet for quite some time. Of course, writing it down I notice that I really need to drink more water, and I could lay off the coffee, but I know these things anyway.

The first week of the diary, I was coming off the flu, and was pretty much eating what I thought would stay in my stomach. I am a weird case, in that when I am sick, I do best with greasy food and tomato based foods. High acid, high grease. I can keep it down. Bland? I will barf up jello and mashed potatoes so fast it would make Linda Blair’s head spin.

I only count actual intended exercise for calories burned. Although, since we worked non-stop on the house Sunday, I counted calories for that extended pace (using an activity calculator under the heading of “packing/moving.”)

In case anyone is interested, if I were a Great White Shark and you caught me, following would be the contents of my stomach for the past week:

Those are my logs. You’ll see calories in and out, and see about where I fall on the average day.

My eating philosophy is this: I make an intentional effort to eat fewer than 1600 calories Monday through Thursday. I can eat whatever I want on Friday, and then I strive to maintain balance over the weekend, but I don’t sweat it.

Because I felt bad last week, my caloric intake was much lower than normal, and I wasn’t cooking at home much. This week’s diary should look different, including homecooked dinners, instead of Babe’s (best chicken fried steak in the world!), Olive Garden (love the chicken parm, but who knew it was over a thousand calories per serving?!), and 7 Salsas.

Anyway, I’ve been saying that I don’t eat enough calories to maintain my weight, and feel like I am not absorbing proper nutrients from my diet. Hopefully, between the food diary, the new doctor, and the endocscopy/colonoscopy I have coming up next week, I’ll find out what I need to do to make my metabolism work.