Posted in A Day in the Life, Chef Lane, Diet, Family, Food

4 Way Chicken

Start with your crock pot.  On the bottom, layer half a large onion and 2 minced cloves of garlic.  Cover those with salt, pepper, cilantro, and parsley, and whatever else you like.  Nestle 3 large chicken breasts (skin on, bone in) on top.  Layer the other half of the onion and about 1/2 lb of carrots on top.  Season again.  Turn it on high for an hour or two, then turn it down to low and go to bed.

Get up a little early and turn off your crock pot.  Remove the carrots and set aside to cool.  Remove the chicken and set aside to cool.  Pour the broth through a strainer to catch all the grody bits, and set broth aside to cool.  Go put on your makeup, fix your hair, and wake up your kid.  While he is looking for his socks (they are in the bottom drawer, where they are every day) dish your cooled carrots, chicken, and broth into separate containers and refrigerate.  Tell your child if he can’t find his socks, he can never play Wii again.  He will find them instantly.

Take the boy to school, go to work, go to the grocery store and pick up 2 squash, 2 zucchini, more onions, red grapes, pecan halves, chicken broth (15 oz or so), 2 cans of white kidney beans, 1 can of corn, 1 can of diced tomatoes, some light sour cream, and some Peeps for the boy’s Easter basket.  And a giant, stuffed duck that you thought was a chicken.  You will realize your mistake when you sit down to write a blog entry.

Go home, unload and put away groceries, and help the boy with his homework, do laundry.  Fold the boy’s clothes and put them away (remember that you left your own clothes in the dryer when you are partway through a blog entry. Curse having thought you were finished for the night.)  Accidentally rewash husband’s clean clothes because they are sitting on top of the washer and you are feeling helpful.  When your mother says, “You look tired,” do not snarl.  Send mother home with hugs and kisses (no snarling), then move living room, dining room, and patio furniture around to be able to drag old sofa to the curb (with aid of husband) to accommodate new, improved sofa which will be delivered tomorrow.  Discover that the time the boy barfed on the sofa Christmas day, the reason you thought the volume seemed light compared to the sounds he was making is because all of it had run down the side crack of the leather seat, to congeal in a disgusting disc on the carpet beneath is.  Run the sweeper.

Return to kitchen and wash hands, find cutting board and proceed to slicing a large onion.  Use the finger guard on the mandolin slicer so that you don’t slice through your thumb and bleed into the onion.  Or, ignore that advice, and find band-aids.  Utilize.  Return to slicing.

In a large stock pot, warm 1 Tbs of olive oil.  Toss in your diced onions and 2 cloves of minced garlic.  While that gets going, open all your cans.  This will be difficult to do while bleeding profusely, but you will manage.  Once onion is translucent, pour in your drained cans of beans (both cans) and corn, and your whole can of tomatoes.  Add your chicken broth and simmer.  Salt and pepper to taste, then dump in about 1Tbs of chili powder.  Accidentally.  Or serendipitously.  Depends on how spicy you like your chili.

Remove cold chicken, carrots and stock from the refrigerator and grab a grocery bag.  Debone a breast of chicken, tossing grody bits into bag.  Remove skin and any remotely inedible yarf and discard into bag.  Dice chicken and shred, then add to pot.  Bring to a boil.  Taste broth and season as needed.  Decide to toss in some cinnamon–about 1tsp.  Mmm!  This will yield you about 5, 2-cup containers of chili, worth about 6 WWPPV each.  Serve or freeze for lunches.

While that is going–simmering about 20 minutes after the boil, add another stock pot to your stovetop and empty out the refrigerated chicken broth.  Use your mandolin slicer (properly this time, you learned) to slice the squash and zucchini directly into the pot.  Add the carrots, then prep another chicken breast, this time only dicing it.  Drop all that into the pot, add 2 chicken bouillon cubes, bring to a boil, then cover and simmer 15 minutes.  This will yield you about 4, 2-cup containers of soup, worth about 2 WWPPV each.  Serve or freeze for lunches.

Finally, prep your last chicken breast and halve the meat.  Chop up about 1/2 a cup of red grapes, crush up about 1/4 cup of pecan halves, add 1TBS each of mayo, dijon mustard, and light sour cream, then stir half the chicken meat into that.  Season to taste.  Refrigerate and serve on top of greens as a salad, or in pita bread as a sandwich.  Yield is 2 large servings a 6 WWPPV each, or 4 small servings at around 3 points each–you could make it lower with low fat mayo, but that stuff is more disgusting than the 4 month old vomit you found under the sofa, so why bother?

With the last half of the meat, make chicken quesadillas with diced jalapenos, about 1/4 cup of cheese (your choice, I like Jack) each, and some Bacon Bits if you’re fancy.  Serve those for dinner.  Screw the WWPPV–you’ve worked them all off already.

Put boy to bed.  Put boy back to bed.  Put boy back to bed a final time.  Let dog out.  Let dog back in.  Wonder vaguely where husband got off to almost 2 hours prior.

Sit down and enjoy a bowl of soup.  Write a blog entry as a means of avoiding the dishes still needing to be done.

Get up.  Get your laundry.  Put it away.  Take a bath.  Go to bed, secure in the knowledge that at least you don’t have to cook tomorrow.

2011-11-19 21.59.40


Posted in Chef Lane, Food, movies, Reviews

3 Breasts: A recipe and a review

I used 3 chicken breasts (on the bone with rib meat) and made 4 different meals.  To cook the meat, I warmed EVOO in a stewer over medium heat with 2 Tbs of garlic paste, and 3 sprigs of fresh rosemary.  When that was warm, I browned the breasts, skin side down, then added water to cover.  To that, I added 2 Knorr chicken flavor cubes, sea salt and a variety of herbs that smelled nice.  I brought that to a boil, then simmered for 45 minutes

I shredded the meat of all 3 breasts, added about 1/4 of it back to the broth with a cup of carrots, a cup of cauliflower and 1 1/2 cups of lentils to make soup (cooked for another 20 minutes before adding the chicken back in.)  With the next 1/4, I made shredded chicken tacos with fresh, homemade salsa, and used the final 1/2 for a plain chicken meal for Thor, and shredded chicken sandwiches for dinner.

To make the salsa, coarsely chop 2 large tomatoes, and finely chop 1 banana pepper, 1 small jalapeno, 1 small onion, 3 cloves of garlic, and juice 2 limes.  Put the peppers, onion and garlic in a strainer and pour 2 cups of boiling water over them and let drain well.  This softens them and brings out some flavor.  Mix everything together with salt and chili powder to taste, then refrigerate for at least an hour before serving.

For shredded chicken sandwiches, mound the cold, shredded chicken on foil and sprinkle with cheddar cheese, then broil until cheese is bubbly.  Serve on hamburger buns with horseradish sauce.  Tasty!


B and I went to see Total Recall last week.  While the 3-Breasted Hooker made it back into the film, the bomb-mask (my favorite thing from the original, other than Arnold’s accent) did not.

I didn’t have high hopes for the film, so I wasn’t disappointed when it wasn’t great.  I was surprised at what was the whole trouble, though.  First, Collin Farrell and Kate Beckinsale were very good in their roles.  Farrell was believable as an Everyman who might be a revolutionary.  Beckinsale was the perfect sociopath.  Both are very easy on the eyes, and stood out against the perfectly dystopian backdrop.  Their chemistry was right on target.  They reminded me a bit of Pitt and Jolie as Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

The first quarter of the film was promising, though I did lean over to ask B why everyone spoke in an American accent if the only places left on earth were the UK and Australia, and why everyone other than the main characters were Asian.  That was a startling defect.  How can the whole of the world be Asian, but the only people important to the plot be white, pretty people?

But I could suspend my disbelief.  The action was good, the gadgets were cool, and I could get behind Rekal as a possibly safe, possibly sinister place.  Then, something horrible happened.  Jessica Biel.

Biel has gorgeous hair, beautiful skin, and has an amazing figure.  She cannot act.  Period.  Every scene she was in was diminished by her presence.  I wish I could be nicer about that, but it’s sad and true.  She brought absolutely nothing to the role other than pretty hair, and really just served the purpose of making me think, “Dang…I never realized Kate Beckinsale could act.”  Listen, Beckinsale playing dead was better than Biel playing anything.

Brian Cranston was woefully miscast, as was his wig.  Bill Nighy was wasted in his role.  He should have had Cranston’s part.

Overall, I had a fine time.  It wasn’t the worst movie I’ve ever seen (The Messenger), and it wasn’t the best movie I’ve ever seen (you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.)  It was all right.  The bad did outweigh the good, so I only give it 2.75 out of 5 stars.