Author: the outside lane

Happy. That about covers it.
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BOO!

the outside lane

Happy Halloween, y’all!

I have a boatload of cupcakes sitting on my kitchen counter, waiting for a rowboat full of 2nd graders tonight.  Here’s hoping Thor’s classmates are hungry.

I love Halloween.  I love the costumes, and the candy, and the excuse to hang paper lanterns.  I do not love horror or gore, or being afraid, but it’s easy enough to spot which houses to avoid.

Why do I dislike horror so much?  Too much of it in real life to add to the awfulness in fantasy.  Also, I can’t help but wonder about the people left behind in horror movies.  All those imaginary kids at Camp Crystal Lake had imaginary parents, who would have been in imaginary mourning for the rest of their imaginary lives.  I’m not able to cut the bigger picture out of focus, and I am just mortified for the family and friends of all these fake victims.  I can’t find a thrill in the scare (and have never been able to) because I can’t get around oh-my-god-what-if-that-happened-to-someone-I-love?!  It just makes me sick and sad.

This is also why I am so bad at video games*. 

I had this one game that was actually fun, but I kept getting my guy killed before I could level up, and I felt so bad about how horribly he kept dying that I had to quit playing.  I am neurotically empathetic toward imaginary people.  Probably comes of having had so many imaginary friends as a child.

Be safe out there, people.  Be safe, and be good to each other.

*I did kill a lot of Sims on purpose, trying to get a Sims ghost.  I can tell you that I do actually and honestly feel bad about having killed those Sims.

Lancient History

All Signs Point to Leave

the outside lane

Have I ever told you about the boss who threw a book at my head?

When I left the ministry (the first time), I worked a series of temporary jobs (and one of them quite poorly, realizing there that I had outgrown my ability to Cute myself out of any situation–that was a slap in the face!)  One of those jobs was for a gentleman we’ll call Mr. Points.  Mr. Points was the CEO of a holding company, and I was hired to be his assistant. 

I think Mr. Points, as a human being, can be summed up in the fact that 2/3rds of his children were suing him.  The ones who weren’t suing him either worked for him, or were minors.

One of Mr. Points’ sons, an attorney, did work for him.  Points-the-Younger asked me if I’d like to earn extra money working part-time for him.  I like earning money, so I said yes.  Then we had a conversation that went something like this:

Me:  Where will I be working?  From [the main office], or from your law office?

Points-the-Younger:  Oh, you’ll be working out of my house.

Me:  Oh…  Your home office?

Points-the-Younger:  No.  I’ll set up a laptop for you in the bedroom.

Me:  Uh…  And your wife will be home, yes?

Points-the-Younger:  No, no, no.  I don’t want the two of you there at the same time.

Me:  So, I’d be working out of your bedroom, in your house, while your wife isn’t at home?

Points-the-Younger:  Exactly [shark smile.]

Me:  Pass.

Points-the-Younger also came into his father’s office while I was filing one day.  I didn’t hear him enter, but when I looked up from where I sat on my knees, working my way through the bottom drawer of Mr. Points’ credenza, Points-the-Younger groaned and rubbed his hipbones and said, “Yes.  Stay right there.  Don’t get up.  That is the perfect view.”

Swear.  Wouldn’t make that up.  I don’t know how I find these people.

Anyway…

So, one day I was in Mr. Points’ office, and I was taking notes on a legal pad.  He became enraged and started screaming about how legal pads are good for nothing, reached back on his credenza and picked up a 3 subject, spiral bound notebook, and launched it at my head (caught it!), screaming, “Don’t you ever come in here with a legal pad again!  You only use notebooks with me!  Tie it around your g-dd-mned waist if you have to, but never come in here again without it!”

I agreed, went back to my desk, got everything in my files in order, finished the work in my in-box and went home.  Then, I faxed in my resignation.

But, I got a lifelong friend out of the deal, so not a total loss!

Television

On the Tube

the outside lane

I’ve had a lot on my mind, so very little on my blog lately.  Lack of content doesn’t mean lack of activity.  Stress squeezes shut the word flow, but I expect I’ll be back to my usual yackity self in a week, or so.

I started watching Once Upon a Time over the weekend, and am nearly finished with Season One.  I love all things Ginnfer Goodwin, so this was going to be a win for me anyway, but I found myself surprisingly fond of Jennifer Morrison.  I couldn’t stand her on House, and she really annoyed me on How I Met Your Mother, so I wasn’t expecting to like her here.  In fact, she’s what kept me from watching the show sooner.  This character suits her well, and I find myself thinking that she’s really a great actor.

Claire Danes is another who has never impressed me much, but whose acting has won me over on Homeland.  I’ve liked Damian Lewis for a long time, so watching him wasn’t going to be an issue, and I will never turn down Inigo Montoya.  I expected to be eye-rolly and full of haterade for Danes.  Nope.  I have been so delighted by her acting that I want to invent awards just so she can win them.

Downton Abbey has been bleak this season, and I am so sick of the Bates/Anna storyline that I’d like to see the Spanish Flu come through again and put them out of my misery.  Bryan feels the same way about the Gillian/Cathouse storyline on Boardwalk Empire, which is making me very uncomfortable this go around.  I don’t like Nucky-the-Gangster.  I like Nucky-the-Conflicted-Nearly-Gangster.  I do like Margaret, but since I ship Nucky/Margaret, I am unhappy at their state of affairs. 

When is Rome coming back on?  I could use some Jeremy Irons mugging.

 

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I’m Into Threesomes–I mean third-partysomes

the outside lane

My first voting event was Bush the Elder v. Clinton the Male-r.  Ross Perot gave it a go in that election, and after the debate in MO, I was sold.  Sadly, he dropped out of the race before I could cast my first vote, and my first Third Party vote.  But, the damage was done to my Red v. Blue socialization, and I’ve longed for a viable Third Party candidate ever since.

What I want in a candidate is this:

  • Economic conservatism
  • Social liberalism
  • A foreign policy of peace and non-interference
  • Strong backing for State’s rights
  • and I want someone who doesn’t try to win my vote by waving a crucifix at me

I’m actually pretty excited about Libertarian, Gary Johnson, this year.  His mini biography from his website says this:

[Gary Johnson] has been an outspoken advocate for efficient government, lower taxes, winning the war on drug abuse, protection of civil liberties, revitalization of the economy and promoting entrepreneurship and privatization.

I like that.  Nothing not to like there.

I also like statements like this:

    • The government cannot pick and choose which of our constitutional rights it must uphold.
    • America is a land of immigrants. Legal immigration should focus on making it easier and simpler for willing workers to come here with a temporary work visa, pay taxes, contribute…
    • Civil liberties are so foundational to America that the first eight amendments to the Constitution address them directly. These amendments enshrine government’s duty to protect individual liberties, including the rights to free speech and free association.
    •  But today, government has created for itself sweeping powers to monitor the private lives of individuals and otherwise intrude upon our daily activities, our households and our businesses. The extent of the government’s reach today would be unrecognizable to the Founders.
    •  Much of the recent erosion in civil liberties has occurred in the name of national security. But we can – and must — combat threats to our safety while adhering to due process and the rule of law.

Again, nothing not to like there.  There are a lot of pros in Johnson’s column, and just a couple of cons.  The biggest con is that he is a Third Party Candidate.  Well, that’s a con to a lot of voters because there is a mythology that voting for anyone other than a Democrat or a Republican just helps the guy you hate win an election.

Johnson addressed this, and I’ll let the man speak for himself:

“Wasting your vote is voting for somebody that you don’t believe in.  That’s wasting your vote. I’m asking everybody here, I’m asking everybody watching this [debate] nationwide to waste your vote on me.”  From the Washington Post–great article, btw.

I can’t vote for a man who sends drones in to murder children, and who fought to retain the ability to indefinitely detain American citizens.  I can’t vote for a man who would further deny civil liberties to my fellow citizens based on their sex, or sex-preferences (or whose positions I can’t quite figure out in the first place.)  Gary Johnson is against drone strikes on innocent parties and indefinite detention of citizens.  He is for gay marriage and women’s rights.  He is against deficit spending, and for education reform.  He is Third Party, but he is top choice for me.

Let’s make it official:  The Outside Lane endorses Gary Johnson for President of the United States.

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Get a Job–no, really, try this!

the outside lane

Back a few years, when I was working a job with a stress level so high that I was getting anal fissures (you know it’s bad if it is making your arse bleed–nothing good makes your arse bleed–and, yes, my doctor said it was stress), I had someone who kept telling me to just quit.  I tried explaining mortgage, and diapers, and food for the child, and kept getting back, “Just quit.”  I couldn’t quit without finding another job first, and in 2008, no one was hiring for my line of work, at my grade of pay. 

“Just accept less money,” came back at me.  Easy to say, isn’t it?  But I was having a hard time finding something else that paid less, too.

I did end up getting laid off, and my severance package and unemployment helped us limp through the next 3 months, until I found another job–paying $10k less base than I had been making.  When you took away the bonuses, it was more like a $15k pay cut.  It hurt.  Although, I did use the time to potty train Thor, so that saved us about $200 a month in Pampers.

Because B has always been very good with our finances, and because we bought a house and cars below our means, we were okay.  We weren’t going to starve, and I never had to make decisions about whether to buy milk or diapers.  Still, we were extremely fortunate that B never lost his job, and that I was able to find one before things got bad.

Over 14 million Americans are unemployed.

PlaySpent.com asks you to imagine you are one of them.  Imagine you have lost your job.  You are a single parent.  You are down to your last $1000.  Can you get a job and make it til the end of the month, until your first paycheck?

I’ve gone through the scenarios 3 times and never made it more than 9 days–because I’m a rules girl and afraid of going to jail, and when I crash my car into someone else’s, I pay the damage instead of hit-and-running. 

Getting a job is not easy anymore.  Losing a job is terrifying now–maybe less terrifying than it was in 2008, but we’ve also gotten used to living on my pay cuts.  Unemployment isn’t just a lazy people problem.  Unemployment  happens to good people, to smart people, to well-educated people, to highly skilled and experienced people.  I challenge you to go to www.playspent.org and come away without a new empathy for the people who are struggling to get by.

“It’s all right to tell a man to lift himself by his own bootstraps, but it is cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his own bootstraps.”  Martin Luther King, Jr.