Since having Thor, I panic a little every time I fly. I was never worried about it before he came along, and I’m not worried about it for myself, but I hate the idea that something might happen to me that would cause him pain. You can add in the rest of my family there because once I start worrying about him, I worry about them.
I know that he would be raised well, and loved wonderfully even without me, but I also know he would hurt, and miss me, and whenever I go somewhere without him I wonder if I am being selfish by putting my person at risk. Then, I remember that in order for him to grow up to be a fully developed, functioning, contributing human being, he needs to know that a world outside his orbit exists, and his parents are part of that world, too. He needs to know that B and I are individuals outside of one another, and outside of being parents. We have interests, and passions, and pursuits that only touch him peripherally. That’s healthy. That’s good.
So, I try to do my job every day–filling the boy up with love, so that if something were to happen to me, I would have put enough into him to pay out interest for the rest of his life.
If anything happened to me, my wish would be for B to meet someone amazing, and have a long, happy life. I would want Thor to love that person without reservation. I want my family to be happy. And, yes, I do feel the need to say that before every major trip I take. Just in case.
I know the risk is higher just driving to and from work every day, but it just feels like a bigger risk when you’re up in the air*. You know?
If you are near Copley Square, I’ll be at booth #21 on Boylston Street, repping for Cozy Cat Press. One of the publishers who rejected my romance novel is going to be a few booths down. I haven’t decided yet if I will go and say hello and reveal myself, or go and say hello and just stare meaningfully. Either way, I will say hello. Meaningful stares are much more romantic, but full revelation is much more me–this is why they rejected my novel. I am not romantic**.
Come see me. I’ll be the one in the strawberry ice-cream colored scarf.
*B, remember that my Plus Package membership entitles you to an extra $100,000 in accidental death & dismemberment insurance, should I bite it on a common carrier.
**The above * is my idea of romance. I got extra life insurance so that my husband can buy a boat/visit Europe/attract a gold digger for the emotional transition in the event of my untimely death.