Interior: A mother and her son are discussing the finer points of the boy’s favorite cartoon/money-pit.
Thor: So, Laval is the good guy and he’s a lion, and Cragger is the bad guy. He’s a crocodile. He–
Me: Is Cragger at all conflicted about being a bad guy, or is he just bad?
Thor: Uh…he’s conflicted.
Me: Good. That’s better storytelling. Why is he conflicted?
Thor: Well, a series of events occurred that made him that way.
Me: Did he start all good? Or did he start all bad?
Thor: The Crocodiles are bad, but he was kind of good, then [this series of events] made him bad. Oh, and his sister puts this gas on him to make him be worse.
Me: His sister is drugging him? That’s not nice!
Thor: She’s all bad. She wants all the Chi.
Me: Hmm. I can get behind that. I want all the cheese, too. I love cheese.
Thor: No, Chi. Everyone in Chima wants the Chi.
Me: I love cheese. What kind do they have?
Thor: There is no cheese! It’s Chi! Chi! Chi is what gives them power.
Me: I wish cheese gave me power instead of stomach aches. I could get a shirt with a big–
Thor: No! Not CHEESE! CHI! CHI! C-H-I, Chi!
Me: Chi? That’s too bad. I like cheese.
Thor: *faceplant*
Me: Sorry, carry on.
Thor: Chi makes you powerful. So and the lions guard the Chi, but they share it.
Me: So explain to me the social structure here. Who rules Chima?
Thor: No one. There are just a bunch of tribes.
Me: How does the government work?
Thor: There is no government.
Me: Anarchy! That is so punk rock!
Thor: Mama!
Me: Sorry. No government. Do they have a tribal council where the leaders of the tribes to to represent their interests in the Chi, or are the lions just the de facto decision makers on who gets what, when?
Thor: No council. The lions share the Chi and pass it all out. The crocs want to keep it all for themselves.
Me: How do the other tribes feel about this?
Thor: They aren’t very smart. Listen, how about I just tell you the whole story of the last episode?
Me: How about we just watch it?
Thor: Greatness!
*we begin watching*
Me: Explain to me about the coyotes.
Thor: Those are wolves, not coyotes.
Me: Explain to me about the black eagles.
Thor: Those are ravens. The crocs and the wolves hate the eagles.
Me: Why? Is it because of Hotel California?
Thor: What?
Me: I mean, it’s a great song, but it gets a lot of play–maybe too much.
Thor: Mama!
Me: I like it. I mean, I love the Eagles. Johnny Come Lately is a great song.
Thor: *sigh* Anyway. The eagles are the thinkers and they don’t fight.
Me: Why do they have airplanes? Eagles can fly.
Thor: Mama, just watch.
Me: Okay.
*B comes through, into the kitchen*
B: What are we watching?
Thor: Lego Chima.
B: Ah. Dramatic music. Is something dramatic happening?
Me: Yes.
Lego Chima: “You guys are double and triple dealing everyone!”
Me: They are double and triple dealing everyone.
B: Ooh. Ambitious for Legos!
Me: *laughlaughlaugh*
Fin
This is what my poor kid deals with, but when all the other kids are talking about how terrible their parents are, I want him to have something solid to contribute.
The Outside Lane 