I had a fantastically perfunctory and gloriously impersonal lady doctor visit today. Best kind to have. No awkward conversation. No weird commentary. Just the up-top, the down-below, and I was out of there. Five minutes. No lie.
But to get to the five minutes, I had to wait for fifty. I was 15 minutes early and the doctor was 20 minutes late, and they had to get all my vitals before the exam. C’est la doctor’s appointments. Since it was the same waiting room I spent hours in over the course of Thor’s percolation, I had plenty of time to reminisce. I came to this conclusion: One of the reasons I find it so disappointing to have had only one pregnancy/child is because I was so ignorant and afraid through the first one. I think that I could be learned and less terrified, more able to enjoy the process with a second one.
The roller coaster is terrifying the first time. It’s a thrill the second time.
Then again, the second time makes me throw up, so…
I had another thought when a 400-year-old woman hobbled out of the exam area while I was waiting. It went like this, “What a cute, little lady. She must be 400 years old–SWEET CALVES OF MERCY! I THOUGHT YOU GOT TO STOP COMING TO THIS PLACE ONCE YOU’D MADE MENOPAUSE!” Guess not.
My new office is less than half a mile from where Thor was born. I drive past his point of origin every day and I think, “That’s where my baby was born!” I can’t help smiling. You know, I thought that was the best day of my life, but every day of my life since then has been even better than the one before it. Sitting in that waiting room, I thought about the first time I heard that heartbeat. The first time I saw actual limbs on a sonogram. The day I realized I was one of those women (though I had sworn I wouldn’t be) who would trade her eye teeth to be induced. Ha!
I had a good, happy life, and a good, happy pregnancy, but when Thor was born it was like someone had turned on a light switch and showed me I’d been living in the dark. Every time I drive by that hospital, I remember how fortunate I am. I remember how blessed I am, and I am grateful.
I love that feeling of all-consuming gratitude.
It gets me through doing homework with the boy 😉