Best of Songs, Worst of Songs

I am a captive to constant Christmas music, which is better than being captive to “It’s a Small World,” as my family once was when the eponymous ride broke down while we were halfway through it, but which is still grating after about three days.  My pain is your entertainment.  Since I am hostage to this limited catalog, I thought I should put it to use.  Follows, my 5 Favorite, and 5 Most Hated Christmas Songs.

Let’s do the Faves first, because one of them is on right now.

5.   Wonderful Christmas Time  I know a lot of people hate this song by Paul McCartney, but I love it.  It is whimsical and sweet, and any song that uses “ding dong ding dong ding dong” ad naseum as lyric has to be great, right?

4.  Silver Bells was my grandmother’s favorite Christmas song, and she would ask me to sing it to her over and over again.  It is also the first Christmas song I can remember connecting with.  I was 8 when my parents got me a little Donny & Marie radio/microphone set.  If you aimed the mic antenna at the radio antenna just so it would sound like you were singing on the radio.  Silver Bells was the first song (and one of the only songs) I ever managed the mic magic with.

3.  Do They Know it’s Christmas  Duh.  I mean, I know I’m way too old to love this song and that none of my imaginary boyfriends look anything like they did for the Band Aid video (or the Live Aid shows), but this is a sentimental favorite of mine.  I hear it, and I am transported to Junior High and my favorite day-glo orange sweater and Life Saver candy earrings.  That’s not a bad thing.

2.  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas  Only the Judy Garland version of this will do for me.  It makes me feel warm and happy, and for just a couple of minutes, I can imagine that I live in a world of snow, and fireplaces, and homemade pies.  The pie figures in heavily.  It is cherry pie.  A la mode.

1a.  Mary Did You Know  As far as actual CHRISTmas songs go, this one tops my book.  If you want a “reason for the season song” this is it.  It’s also a lovely, haunting melody, especially this version by Michael English.

1b.  I’ll be Home for Christmas  *sigh*

 

My Most Hated list is actually more difficult since I like most Christmas songs, but I’ll manage, and having just heard one of those…

5.  Trans Siberian Orchestra Carol of the Bells  I don’t really hate this one.  I feel like this is the My Heart Will Go On of Christmas songs.  It’s a great song that’s just gotten way too much play, and it is dated and tiring.  It sounds exactly like a guy I went out with in college, who was also great in very, very small doses, but who was wearying with the gesticulation and dramatics.

4.  Feliz Navidad and Meli Kalikimaka  Speaking of tiring.  I’m lumping these two together because they are basically the same song, and neither is good enough to merit its own whipping.

3.  Any Amy Grant Christmas song.  I had my Amy Grant phase, right alongside my plaid jumpsuit with the massive doily collar and enormous hairbow phase.  No photographic evidence exists of either.

2.  Santa Baby  I don’t like the idea of Santa as a Sugar Daddy.  Just…yuck. 

1.  The Christmas Shoes  This trick.  I could not hate this song more if it grew legs and kicked a puppy.  I already hate it more than Frankenstein’s monster hated fire.  It is the worst song in the world–and I’ve heard Amsterdam.  This song should be drawn, quartered, and dragged through the streets of London while Henry VIII looks on, eating a giant turkey leg.