It would be absolutely impossible to talk about the plot of the new Bond movie without ruining it for everyone, so I won’t.  Instead, I’ll just tell you some of the impressions I had whilst watching Daniel Craig keep up the tradition.

In short, the movie was just okay.  It was hella too long, and felt cobbled together from various Bond flicks and other tv and movie spy tropes.  I know a lot of the Bond imagery was meant as treat for the die hard fans (like me–and I know the books as well as the movies), but you can’t [mild spoiler] resurrect that car after Sean Connery drove it into a wall and expect me not to hiss at you.  And you can’t techie speak in today’s world and not expect my husband to hiss at you.  And you can’t show me Komodo Dragons and not expect me to expect them to hiss at everyone else.

I picked up on theme and/or imagery theft from Indiana Jones, the Bourne movies, (God help them) Live and Let Die, Batman, X-Men,  and at one point I turned to Bryan and asked, “Didn’t we see this on an episode of Burn Notice?”  Because it was almost straight up out of the Burn Notice episode.  All that was missing was Bruce Campbell.

That said, Javier Bardem has shot up the totem pole to be my #2 favorite Bond villain of all time, just behind Dr. No himself.  Judi Dench is my favorite Bond Girl of all time.  I’m not sure why there was anyone else in the movie.  I could have made a whole viewing out of Bardem’s delicate mastication of the scenery.  I say it that way because he was the perfect balance of restraint and hambone.  I LOVED him.

I have nothing but praise for Daniel Craig as Bond.  He makes those Tom Ford tuxedos look beautiful, and I never get tired of his dogged sociopathic stare.  He is the Book-Bond of my dreams.  He is dark and dangerous, and set on self-destruct, but too addicted to pleasing his bosses to die.  In other words, he is a layered, deep, and realistically tortured character.  He is to Bond what Benedict Cumberbatch has become to Sherlock Holmes.  Breathed quite a bit of life into it.

If you are a Bond fan, you need to see the movie.  If you are an action fan, you need to see the movie.  If you are torn between that and something else…flip a coin.  It is long, and there is a lot of ridiculous running around.  I’m a Doctor Who watcher, so I’m used to ridiculous running around, but my payoff there is a TARDIS.  I had no Running Around payoff for this one.  Only me shaking my head at something that I think was meant to make me cry.  I did not cry.

I cried watching Glitter.  I cry at everything.  I cry watching Boardwalk Empire.  I did not cry at this tender, touching scene because all I could think was, “What? What is happening here?”

The only other thing I will say is for Karen:  There will come a scene with Javier Bardem, and you will have to cover your mouth to keep from bursting out laughing, recalling PeeWee Herman’s big scene in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  You will love him for it.  You will not be able to focus on the next few minutes of the movie because of it.

A disappointing, but not dismal 2.5 out of 5 stars