Falling, Sagging, Flattering

I was having a really cute morning in my adorbs floral dress and sweater. I stopped off at a walk-in Starbucks (instead of my usual drive-thru) and pranced through the line. I was congratulating myself on my poise and style as I exited, and my toe caught the carpet outside the door. Arse over teakettle, my friends. Coffee everywhere, including in my shoes. So much for poise, but ten points for style of landing.

But just like midnight turned Cinderella back into a housemaid, one fall turned me back into Thor’s Mom. And believe, Thor’s Mom’s really cute moments are increasingly rare. Sad.

I saw a post on a new-to-me community asking about cosmetic surgery. Have it, or age naturally? I thought, and said, that as much as my fleeting youth saddens me, I would not have changed a line on my grandmother’s face. She looked like a walnut, but she was beautiful to me. Both my grandmothers. And I wouldn’t change a hair on my mother’s head or a thing on her face. So, I probably won’t ever change mine.

That made me think about the Bruno Mars song, Just the Way You Are. Here is the chorus:

But every time she asks me do I look okay
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

Gentlemen Readers, allow me to enlighten you. When a woman asks if she looks okay, the only proper response is, “Yes.” Unless she looks like the corpse of Anna Nicole Smith, in which case it is appropriate to suggest that she tone down her lipstick.

Never, ever, under any circumstances answer the question, “Do I look okay,” with, “I would not change a thing about your face, or your amazing smile!” Because, “I would not change a thing about your face, or your amazing smile,” actually translates through a woman’s brain as, “Dang, woman, you have got to do something about that backside!”

Also unappealing: Being told that a man would catch a grenade for you. That just makes a woman squint and blink, and back away slowly.

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