I love changing my hair color, so imagine my joy in discovering I could change my skin color without turning orange! It was joyous joy. I can be toasty brown for two days, then watch myself fade away in patchwork that is as amusing as it is challenging to try to camouflage. I’ve just gotten the hang of how to make my way around the poses in the VersaSpa I use at Planet Tan, so my last three forays into the world of the sun-kissed have not been as piebald as the first. Until yesterday.
Today is the wedding of our very good friend, Eamon. He was the best man in our wedding, and his fiancee, Christina, is a lovely woman. I wanted to look my summery best in the light blue dress I bought for the occasion, so I headed over to Planet Tan after work. I asked for the medium coloring, thinking rightly that it would look nice with the blue.
Just like always, I stripped down, put on my haircover, wiped myself off with the baby naps in the dressing room, then applied the barrier cream to my hands and tops of my feet. Prepared, I hopped into the booth, watching the spray whish-whish-whish up my legs. Up to my thighs I realized, “I am wearing glasses!”
I panicked. I had no idea what the spray would do to my frames or lenses, and couldn’t figure out how to hold them so that they wouldn’t get a blast of color. I cracked the door open and flung them. Just in time for the spray to reach my arms. And then, I sneezed so hard it turned my body sideways, so that the spray completely missed my face, and I skidded in the spray residue on the floor. Then, I got a mouthful of the stuff because I started laughing.
Today has been one camouflage job after another. First, I really had to deal with the waveline streak created when I stuck my arm out the door of the tanning booth to eject my glasses. There isn’t much you can do but let something like that fade, or try to scour it off. I got in the shower with a sugar and salt scrub, and scoured. It is still obvious, but not so much that you can see it in flash photography.
Next, I had to address the fact that my face is still Lane-colored, but from the neck down, I am decidedly SummerLane-colored. Tinted moisturizer and pressed powder from CoverGirl (because I’m not buying something expensive to use as makeup when it is only going to match me one week out of the month) evened me out enough that I didn’t feel like a mime, and then wearing my bangs covered up the top half of my face. The hardest part about spray tanning, for me, is matching makeup once it’s done. I am so pale that I can put a light gold on and it is still darker than my complexion. Thus, I can wear just about any color, and have learned how to make all colors tone down. With a spray tan on, I have to figure out how to make colors pop and blend at the same time on my own face. I can do this easily on someone else. You’d think it would be easy to do on me. Surprisingly, I find that I can wear blues without looking like I belong in an episode of Police Woman. Sgt. Pepper Anderson, eat your heart out!
The worst of the issue comes in at the bottom of my feet, so it isn’t much of a problem, but I will know that there is a pawprint of tan stamped where a serious looker could find it in my strappy sandal. If you are looking that closely, though, there are bigger fish to fry than my spray tan. This happens to a degree every time, but I thought I had managed it with the barrier cream. Apparently not.
Que spray tan, spray tan.
And now I am off to dress up in my fancy frock and go wish Eamon and Christina the best in the world.
The Outside Lane 