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I always forget how much I love Peter Murphy.  He came on the radio this morning, and I remembered.

I never forget how much I love RuPaul.

RuPaul came to my attention in the 80s, a couple of years before he popped up dancing in a B-52s video.  I can’t remember how I knew of him–it probably had something to do with my Andy Warhol obsession.  I remember being excited that he’d made it into a music video.  And you know that his song Supermodel was my interior theme music, don’t you?

I loved his look, loved his act, loved his charisma (and his uniqueness, nerve, and talent.)  It wasn’t until the internet that I got to find out how much I love his attitude.  RuPaul presents a lovely personhood.  I haven’t ever met him, so I can’t vouch for how closely life imitates his art, but I buy into his public worldview 100%.

I saw this video of him being interviewed by Joan Rivers, today.  Love him.  Adore him.  Wish he was my friend.

My take away from this video came from him talking about how he felt like drag was a celebration.  He said that dressing up in whatever way you like to dress up (meaning that drag isn’t the only way to do this–for you, it might mean a 3 piece suit) is a compliment to the creator, a way of saying about your body, “I love it! I’m going to decorate it!”

I love it!  I’m going to decorate it!

I love that.

When you move into a new space, what’s the first thing you want to do?  After taking a nap because moving is exhausting, I mean.  You want to decorate.  Whether that means going all in with paint and textiles, and furniture, and your Pinterest board alight, or it means just taping up your Farrah poster, you want to make the space yours.  And that’s all style is.  Style is just making the space of your body yours.

I had some extra time this morning, so I “decorated” my hair more than usual.  I feel like I have a party on my head =)  It feels good!

Here are a few of my favorite RuPaul quotes:

• “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

• “Be very careful of what you allow to infiltrate your consciousness and subconsciousness. When you watch too much television, you’ll start to feel inferior from all the commercials hard selling the idea that you’re not complete unless you buy their product […] The ad agencies appeal to your fear of not being wanted or loved. It’s the same with the local news. They get you to stay tuned with a constant stream of fear tactics […] It’s as if our culture is addicted to fear and the flat screen is our drug dealer. Don’t allow that crap into your head!”

• “If you have goals and the stick-with-it-ness to make things happen, people will feel threatened by you, especially if your goals don’t include them. They believe that if you take a piece of pie, then that leaves less pie for them. Seeing you follow your dreams leaves them realizing that they’re not following theirs. In truth, there is unlimited pie for everyone!”

• “I’m six foot four – hello. And with hair, heels, and attitude… I’m through the mother-freakin’ roof!”

• “Look at me–a big old black man under all of this makeup, and if I can look beautiful, so can you.”

• “My attitude toward friendship has remained the same. I will support and encourage you with all the love in my heart, but if it’s not reciprocal, I gotta go […] If your friends are bitter about your success to the extent that they act out, don’t expect them to change […] Move on.”

• “My goal is to always come from a place of love …but sometimes you just have to break it down for a motherfucker.”

• “True wealth is having a healthy mind, body, and spirit. True wealth is having the knowledge to maneuver and navigate the mental obstacles that inhibit your ability to soar.”

• “We’re born naked, and the rest is drag.”

• “Whatever you proclaim as your identity here in the material realm is also your drag. You are not your religion. You are not your skin color. You are not your gender, your politics, your career, or your marital status. You are none of the superficial things that this world deems important. The real you is the energy force that created the entire universe!”

• “When the going gets tough, the tough reinvent.”

• “When you become the image of your own imagination, it’s the most powerful thing you could ever do.”

• “With hair, heels, and attitude, honey, I am through the roof.”

• “All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.” 

• “When I think about my Glamazon, would that character get down if someone said her thighs were heavy? No, she knows what other people think is none of her damn business.”

• “Very little is off -limits, but draw the line at being unkind.”

I stayed up late, the other night, watching The Cutting Edge.  It’s one of those movies that always makes me smile, and while there is plenty of the actual movie worth a giggle, it’s more the memory of who I was when I first saw the movie.  It came out in 1992, when I was 21.  That movie brings to mind my Contempo Casuals and Judy’s fashion choices, clouds of Poison and Giorgio (I hung on to that fragrance longer than I should have), and the feeling that my entire life was ahead of me and that I was on top of the world.  I loved college.

My favorite outfit was a black, sleeveless catsuit with a bateau neckline, that zipped up the back and fit snug to the ankles.  I wore it under crocheted sweaters, oversized sweatshirts, blazers, and a favorite rust colored anorak in a shiny fabric from Esprit.  Sam & Libby maryjanes completed the look.  I wore the seams out of that catsuit.  Now, even though I am something like 80lbs heavier than I was, I’d still wear that thing!  That was the best made, most flattering silhouette.  It had to do with how the hips and thighs were cut.  I’ve never seen another like it.  If I had a time machine, I’d go back and buy one in every size available.  This is reason number 11 I shouldn’t be given a time machine*.

My second favorite outfit, a sliver of which you can see above, was a black and white striped shirt worn over black cigarette trousers with the Sam & Libby maryjanes.  Those shoes were pretty much my go to footwear.  I might also misuse my time machine to go buy some more of those.  I loved those shoes.

The Cutting Edge is still great viewing, and even though it is trope tripping over trope, D.B. Sweeney and Moira Kelly were likable enough to make it feel fresh.  They had great chemistry.  It was like a junior version of Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.

Romantic Comedies seemed kinder 20 years ago.  In a way, everything did.

In 1992, I was listening to a lot of Then Jericho, Erasure, Nine Inch Nails, Live, The The, Duran Duran, TLC, En Vogue, Bel Biv Devoe, and Billie Holiday. If you’d broken into my car, those are the tapes you could have stolen.  No one ever broke into my car.  Go figure.

When I went out, it was down to Deep Ellum, where I spent many evenings at the Video Bar in sober pursuit of 1. a better grasp on my Greek vocabulary, 2. a place to dance, 3. that hot bartender (who thought I was adorable and needed to go home), and 4. respect from the girl I idolized.

I learned to use liquid eyeliner when my friend S gave me a pot of her Chanel liner that she disliked.

I went to Manhattan by myself to stay with a pen pal–the first trip I had ever taken that did not involve a family member.

I was wrestling with changing majors.

I was wrestling with the Campus Crusade group, who had (hilariously) put me in charge of a few things even though I was not yet even One of Them.

I was offered a job with Capitol records, by an LA headhunter who had found me through the college newspaper and reviews I had done of their artists, and not only did I say no on the spot, I laughed.  About two weeks later I realized what I had done.  I also threw up.

Yeah, a time machine could come in handy.  Only, I wouldn’t trade any what-if for the what now.  It’s fun to think about, though.

*Reasons 1–10

1. There is no reason for me to have drinks with Lord Byron.
2. Nothing good could come of drinks with Voltaire.
3. Drinks with Camille Desmoulins would only end badly.
4. Drinks with Rupert Everett while he was still in his liking-girls phase–which has potential to speed up the end of this phase, if a lot of my high school dating is any indication.
5. Drinks with Shakespeare (see 2)
6. It appears I would abuse the time machine in order to try to make time with a bunch of dead men.
7. I love Elizabeth Taylor and would hate for her to catch me having drinks with Richard Burton.
8. Using the time machine to find and slap the man who wrote Beowulf.
9. Using time machine to lecture self about the vending machine in the motor bank, and reasons to avoid it during times of romantic distress.
10. Using time machine to go get my dog Frosty and bring her back into the present for furry snuggles.

A few weeks ago, we were expecting severe weather, and Thor was worrying that there might be a thunderstorm while he was at school.  He said he didn’t like the loud noises.  I told him, “If it does start to storm, I’m going to yell up into the sky, so when you hear the thunder you know it’s me.  I’m yelling, ‘I LOVE YOU THOR!’ Only, I’m doing it in grumbly voice to make you laugh.” 

He smiled.  He said, “What about the lightning?”

“That’s you,” I told him.  “When it lightnings, that’s you talking back to me.  What will you be saying?”

He thought, then said, “I’ll be saying, ‘Yay! I love you too, Mama!'”

We had some thunder on the way to school today and he laughed, “I hear you,” he said.  Then, he put on his grumbly voice and rumbled, “I LOVE YOU THOR!”

I hope that sticks with him.

A dear, dear friend of mine has a son who is just on the cusp of adulthood, and who is working through making some very important, very adult decisions that a lot of teens just dash through without thinking.  She has raised a son who was willing to sit down and talk through his through his thought process with her, and while she can’t control his choices, she has parented him to understand that her guidance is valuable.  That is golden.

So, when Thor was sitting on my lap this morning, snuggled up on my shoulder for morning hugs, I was praying silently, “Please let this stick.  Please let this be what he remembers.  Please let this level of comfort and trust grow with the boy, so that when he thinks he’s too old for hugs, he still trusts me enough to be honest.” 

And, “Please let me remember these moments when he is a teenager.”

It’s been a rough weekend, given I had what is probably the worst migraine of my life to date.  But my boys took good care of me (and my  mom took good care of my boy, taking him to her house for the night, last night.)  Thor got in bed with me yesterday afternoon and we lay there smiling at each other for a long time.  I love every freckle on that boy’s face.  The best feeling in the world is knowing he loves every freckle on mine.

I couldn’t have done better for a husband, and we couldn’t have had a child more perfect for us.  It’s pretty sweet knowing that even on my worst days, I am surrounded by the best people.