Health, Howling Sea Lane, Religion

Why I am Pro-Choice


Since I’ve talked about sex, why don’t I just go all the way and talk about abortion? Maybe next, I’ll write about the death penalty!

I read a really well written article by an abortion provider today, and although I realize that most of the people who should read it won’t (because we evangelicals don’t like any rhetoric but our own, and will put our fingers in our ears and lalalalalala at you pleasantly–because that is Tongues for “Die you hell spawn abomination!” not really. Most evangelicals aren’t praying for you to die. They are just praying for God to allow Satan to have his way with you, until you submit to God’s will. Which, if you think about it, is a little bit like your commanding officer allowing you to butt rape prisoners until they tell you what you want to know. Oh my word, I’ve turned into a liberal.) I feel like it is important enough to share.

I worked for a ministry where part of your contractual obligation was a promise to abstain from pre- or extra-marital sex. I’m a by-the-book kind of girl (even though I was misdiagnosed with a spirit of rebellion because I wore short pants and sang Motley Crue songs in the office. What? Home, Sweet Home is an awesome song!) so I felt like if I signed that contract, I should be willing to suffer the consequences of breaking it. I don’t hold that against the ministry at all.

I held up my end of the bargain while I worked there, then I quit working there, met the man I would later marry, and I decided I was absolutely finished with abstinence. Because I needed sustaining with apples and raisins, being weak with love.

I started working for the ministry again, signed the paperwork again, and really did strive to maintain my contractual celibacy, but gave up because B just smiling at me can do awesome and powerful things (I did quit teaching the Singles group when I gave up the fight, because I couldn’t advocate something I wasn’t doing.) Then I spent every fifth week of the month panicking. I spent a whole lot of time worrying and wondering what I was going to do, and a whole lot of time peeing on sticks. I just knew I was pregnant and I would get fired. I would get fired, and I would be shunned. I would be looked down upon as that dirty girl, and that was going to be the end of that. Oh, I also wouldn’t have insurance, or be able to afford medical care, and I could just forget about asking for a donation from the Love Fund, because that was only for the clean.

Likely, if you are of the mindset, you are thinking that either I should have kept my panties on, or if I wasn’t going to do that, I should just have been ready and willing, and delighted to have a baby (because no one should ever have sex unless they want a baby), or I should just have been ready to accept a baby as punishment for not keeping my panties on–because that’s what we are told to think.

We are so, so, so sorry that the woman in question is about to face what appears to be an insurmountable blockade to her future, but she should have thought of that beforehand. And two wrongs don’t make a right. You don’t get to kill a baby just because you screwed up. I know the rhetoric. Oh! And there are thousands of women who are aching to have babies, so you should consider yourself fortunate to have working parts, and should be willing to carry your baby to term and bless one of those women with the fruit of your labor–and in some way, that will redeem you from the sin of pre-marital sex. I really hate that one. It’s like telling your kids to clean their plates because there are children starving in China. It is very Handmaid’s Tale.

Every menstrual cycle was like a miraculous reprieve, but every fifth week, I wondered if I could have an abortion. To save my career, to save my finances, to save my reputation, to save my friendships, could I have an abortion? I never had to find out, but I know a few girls there who did. I was reminded of that when I read this:

“I was with the doctor I train with doing the initial steps of an intake — an ultrasound to date the pregnancy and a full history.The patient says to the doctor, “I should not be here today. I agree with the people out there.” Gestures out window to street. The people at the bus stop???? “The people who are protesting. I think what you are doing is wrong. I think you should be killed.” Oh. Whoaaaa!

So I told my patient what I truly believe, which is: “I’m so sorry that you feel that way because feeling that way has got to make this an even harder decision than it already is. I imagine it must really feel awful to think that you have to do something that goes against your own beliefs.” (Secret inspiration: my own feelings about the situation!) “I know there is no way you’re going to go home feeling you did the absolute right thing no matter what happens today. We are not going to do any procedure until you are absolutely certain that this is what you want. I do not want you to have an abortion. The only that I want you to do is the thing that is most right for you, whether it’s continuing this pregnancy and becoming a parent, or adoption, or abortion.” Then we brought her with her boyfriend to the counselor who talked with them for hours about the spectrum of resources available for not just abortion but adoption and parenting. At my clinic, we joke that we turn away more patients than the protestors do. And although she did end up terminating the pregnancy, the procedure went well, there were no complications, and she told the staff we had been the “most supportive!” I personally thanked her and told her it was an honor to be there for her and still get teary when I think about it.” –Dolores P.

I never had to make that choice, but I thank God (yeah, the same one–the same one who used to command Israel to kill all the women and children in a village, dashing babies to the ground from city walls and all that–that God. The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Same one.) that the choice was available to me.

Believe me, I understand the evangelical argument. I do. I think it is heartbreaking that not every pregnancy is wanted, because I know how fantastic it is when you’re happy about it. But I also know how agonizing it is when you think your entire livelihood and life are coming to an end because a condom broke. And since I got happily pregnant while I was taking birth control pills, I know a little bit about ineffective birth control. I speak on behalf of all Statistics when I tell you that my then-doctor told me that for some women, that particular pill just “primes their pump.” Maybe information he should have given me in advance? How many women have been in that situation? How many without a great husband, who was also happy to be a parent? How many without the great insurance we had? Or jobs?

I am so distressed by the proposed legislation against womens’ reproductive rights. I am distressed that lawmakers are listening to the testimonies of fetuses. I am distressed that a state nearly passed legislation that would protect those who would murder abortion providers. I am distressed that we are so lacking in compassion, as a nation, that we elect men and women to Congress who would force women into dangerous situations to serve their own agenda.

It would be so nice if I could tell you that I would never have an abortion. I like to believe that I would never have an abortion. I like to think that had I become pregnant after being date-raped when I was 20, I would have been able to face the resulting nine months and new human being, but I don’t know. I like to think that had I become pregnant while working at the ministry, I would have had the courage to quit my job, lose my insurance and medical care, lose my apartment and my car (because no job means no paying for things), and just trust God and the government to take care of the situation–wow, not only have I become liberal, I have become even more sarcastic than before. That last bit was awfully facetious. Let me try again.

I do believe that life begins at conception, and I like to think I would honor that. My heart aches that abortion is ever necessary (and don’t tell me it isn’t ever necessary, because there are always two lives in the balance, not just one.) But I have never been faced with that decision, or the myriad of factors that play into bringing a life into this world, so I can’t tell you what I would do. All I can tell you is that I am desperately thankful that I have a choice, and I am desperately hopeful that women in this nation always will.

Howling Sea Lane, Religion

Hey Jealousy


There is nothing in the world wrong with observing what someone else has and thinking to yourself, “Man, I sure wish I had some of that.” If necessity is the mother of invention, then observational jealousy is it’s step-mother. “Ug have fire outside cave. I want! I find way to make fire inside cave! I make chimney!” Or something. (Now I want to draw cartoons to go along with this blog. I’m iced in. I’ve got the time.)

There is everything wrong with observing what someone has and thinking, “I should have that instead of him!” Then you end up with something like, “Abel gets attention that I should be getting! I know, if I kill him, then they will HAVE to give me all the attention. Hey, Abel, come help me with this thing over here…”

The book of Proverbs is filled with warnings against envy. The two that have always stuck out to me are 14:30, A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones, and 24:1, Do not envy the wicked, do not desire their company.

Most of the time, I can head envy off at the pass. Most of the time I can honestly look at what people have and say, “I’m very happy for you.” I was raised to strive for my own happiness, and to be glad when other achieved their own. My mother didn’t put up with petty jealousy. If SoandSo had a fantastic Somethingorother and I was whining about me deserving it more than she, my mother put a quick stop to that. If I wanted it, I should work for my own, and get off my high horse. I should pay less attention to what SoandSo had and more attention to what it would take for me to achieve the same, and I should also keep in mind, that maybe SoandSo needed that Somethingorother to make up for another emptiness. And, by the way, she would remind me, there are people who would give a right arm to have what I did. I should think of them, too.

I heard Joyce Meyer speak on envy a few times–and I interrupt myself to tell you that, from experience, while I have very, very little good to say about the major television ministries, I have a great respect for Joyce and her teaching, if only because she was the single ministry to fully cooperate when the Senate Finance Committee came calling–and she makes a cutesy, but convincing analogy. She talks about how silly it would be for your eye to be jealous of your hand because your hand gets to wear a beautiful ring. If you put a ring in your eye, you couldn’t see. She says that you might be an “eye” in the grand scheme of things, and envying what a “hand” has will only hamper your ability to live a productive life.

I have posted before about how I mean-girled a classmate into a corner out of jealousy. I wanted the attention of a boy she had managed to snag, fresh from a breakup with another girl I’d been sneering at, and I thought if she was out of the way, I’d have my shot. Of course you know I just ended up looking like a complete horse’s behind, and I carry what is a healthy scar of guilt over my actions to this day.

It is a healthy scar because it keeps me from repeating my past behaviors. When I feel that tightening of envy in my gut, I also feel that scar tightening right along with it. If it had been left on me by an evil wizard, it would have been shaped like a lightening bolt, and you would have seen me rubbing at it and grimacing yesterday, while looking through Facebook.

“Of course she shops at Posh Tots,” I growled, feeling a little sick to my stomach. She didn’t deserve that! I couldn’t shop there! I knew where that money had come from, and that was dirty, dirty money. I was clean as far as all that went, and it wasn’t fair!

I kept flipping through pages, jealous of this or that. Angry that no one had noted my righteousness and… Ugh. It’s just embarrassing what went through my head.

Here’s the thing: If you’re righteous and you know it, clap your hands. See what it gets you? You can’t really feel proud of your righteousness without spoiling it. It’s like adding lemon juice to your milk. Same thing with jealousy. When you focus yourself on envying what someone else has, you can’t enjoy what you’ve got.

No, I can’t afford to shop at Posh Tots, and I am not part of that clique, but you know what I do have? I have an amazing son, who is loved and well dressed, and a group of friends who love me no matter what kind of foolishness I’m up to. It is honestly none of my business what someone else has. My business is about taking care of what I have, and (because I am the ambitious sort) getting to the next level, and working out how to use what I do have for the benefit of people who are less fortunate.

Tell you one thing: It’s a lot easier to just scowl at Paris Hilton, than to acknowledge I’m being a jerk.

Howling Sea Lane, Lancient History, Women Worth Knowing

Sleep Paralysis! Awesome!


I should have blogged about my night terrors years ago! Stephanie just linked me to a treasure trove of information about sleep paralysis. Sleep paralysis! Of course!

According to this site
:

Sleep paralysis is a condition in which someone, most often lying in a supine (face up) position, about to drop off to sleep, or just upon awaking from sleep realizes that s/he is unable to move, or speak, or cry out. This may last a few seconds or several moments, occasionally longer. People frequently report feeling a ‘presence’ that is often described as malevolent, threatening, or evil. An intense sense of dread and terror is very common. The presence is likely to be vaguely felt or sensed just out of sight but thought to be watching or monitoring, often with intense interest, sometimes standing by, or sitting on the bed. On some occasions, the presence may attack, strangling and exerting crushing pressure on the chest.

Thank you, Dr. Seery-Murphy. Many, many thanks!

Howling Sea Lane, Lancient History

Night Terrors


So I finished the Jenna Jameson book. It never got any happier. It’s one of those, “It ends as well as you can expect,” kinds of stories. God bless her.

I started Love in a Headscarf and am enjoying it so far. Snow days make for excellent reading. We’ll be having another one tomorrow.

I’ve had very bad nightmares the last two nights and don’t want to go to bed tonight. Normally, I love sleeping! I have very vivid, entertaining dreams, so being asleep is like going to the movies. But when I am on a nightmare tear, it’s difficult. I will probably end up sleeping on the sofa because I’m afraid to get in my bed. That’s silly, isn’t it? But I need the bad juju to go away first.

When I was growing up, my father was frequently overseas, or working nights, or away from home for weeks at a time as a consultant. When he was away, I would sleep in my mother’s room, and she would lock the door, pull the dresser in front of it, and keep a loaded pistol between the mattress and box springs on her side of the bed. Not infrequently, Mom would hear something and come up out of the bed like a jungle cat. She would scramble into her robe, grab the pistol and hiss at me not to move, and not to make a sound. And, like Bambi’s mother, she would instruct me that if something happened to her, I was to run and not look back.

Then, she would creep out of the bedroom, pistol hidden in her housecoat pocket, finger on the trigger, and prowl the hallways. If she was sure she’d heard something outside, she would go walk the perimeter of the house.

Once, when I was around 12, Dad came home early from working a night shift, and didn’t call first. When Mom heard someone rattling around in the house, going through my bedroom, she got up with the pistol. She agrees with the assessment that if my father had not said her name, she would have shot him.

As you can imagine, I grew up to be something of a scaredy-cat. For years, I had to have the sheet pulled up over my ear before I could sleep. I could not have anything hanging off the side of the bed. I could not have my hand over the top of the mattress. Once I had started refusing to sleep behind Mom’s locked door, I had to be centered, and surrounded by pillows, and I was pretty much terrified.

When I was fifteen, I was dozing in bed one night, and to this day I will swear I woke with two things in my room. I fully realize that Occam’s Razor means it is most likely that I was experiencing what was a very vivid nightmare, but I thought I was awake. Something was sitting at the top of my head, a small body with long arms and legs, my head between its bent legs, its calves against my ears. It was leaning over my face, with its long arms cradling my head. The other thing, same size and shape, same dusky gray, was sitting on my chest with its arms wrapped around its bent knees, peering intently at me.

I was too afraid to scream. Too afraid to move. Too afraid to breathe.

I did finally puff out, “Help,” in this tiny voice, and I guess that was enough to wake me up fully because the things disappeared.

The next day, I had to go to work with Mom. It was spring break and she wasn’t about to leave me at home alone, when my boyfriend lived a block away. Probably wise of her, considering. When I went to work with her, I had to sit down in the safe deposit vault of her bank. Emelil, the usual vault teller, wasn’t there, and they had a temp working.

I was still so horrified about what had happened, I told this complete stranger about it. Valerie, was her name, and she was Pentecostal, and she told me I had been visited by demons. Pentecostal Valerie commenced to praying. This was my introduction to Tongues, by the way, and I wasn’t so sure it was me who had been visited by demons. But she seemed very sure of herself, and was very certain she knew how to pray a hedge of protection around me to keep those inky varmints away, so I sat still and let her slap on my forehead as much as she wanted.

None of those particular night terrors since, although, I had another one of those waking dreams where I would swear that I woke to a man standing at the foot of my bed–same bedroom, same year. I see how people think and really believe they have had demonic visitations. I believed that of myself for years. I finally realized that when I have good dreams, where I wake up wondering where the fluffy puppy went, that I don’t think I was visited by an actual puppy, and I put two and two together. But still.

(I am very superstitious about it, to the point that I worry just talking about it will make it happen again, but I decided a long time ago not to be so spooky about everything and I just let it all hang out.)

I was 22 years old before I started forcing myself to hang a naked foot off the side of the bed at night. I still don’t like doing it, but I spent a few years forcing myself to confront that particular fear, so I will do it. Whenever I feel the fear creeping in again, I use the same tactics. I refuse to be afraid of something like that. Anyway, should something ever grab my foot, I have bigger things to worry about than that something grabbed my foot, if you know what I mean. Right? Might as well be comfortable.

I still haven’t stopped barricading my bedroom door when I’m alone at night, but I do wait until Thor is asleep, so he doesn’t see it. I know that’s ridiculous. The last time it happened, we were still in our old house. I lay awake for a long time, deciding whether or not to do it. I had to figure out if it was worthwhile. Because, if the intruder came in the bedroom windows, I couldn’t get out. But the likelihood would be the intruder coming in the back door, and then the barricade gave me a few more seconds of time to get Thor out of the house. But what if the intruder wasn’t working alone? I wished for a big, mean dog. Or even Seamus, who was like a muppet with fangs. Poor puppy!

Working on that one. But I figure that I am doing very well for myself, considering my socialized night fears. Now if I can just get over that fear of sharks in the swimming pool…

Howling Sea Lane

Ebony and Ivory, and Actors


Just home from the SAG Awards party. It was great fun, and I was fortunate to have Melissa come along on short notice, when B’s knees gave out. I loved seeing all the dresses and the pretties.

Have I mentioned that I am reading Freedom Summer? I am reading Freedom Summer. It is painful. You see, I grew up among people who were adults and young adults, living in the Deep South in 1964. I was born just six years after the Freedom Summer project. Just six years after some of the most depraved and horrible instances of racism and bigotry, that were defended by white people.

B and I were talking about it today. I know my maternal grandparents well enough to tell you that they would never have considered taking part in any wrongdoing, and that neither of them would have been able to turn a blind eye to it–they would have defended anyone in the moment, black, white, green, it didn’t matter. But I also know, from experience, that after the fact, when racially motivated crimes were reported on the news, they would say with deep sadness, “Well, they should have known better than to be in that part of town/be with that white woman/say that there.” They were resigned to the fact that Blacks and Whites had their places, and if either got out of their box, there would be violence. They did not promote it, or agree with it. It was just the world.

My paternal grandparents are another story. I fully believe my grandaddy would have turned a blind eye to violence. I fully believe that he would be a spectator to it. He wasn’t big or brave enough to take part in it, but he was gleeful in retelling about anyone getting a comeuppance. I hate to say that I think Granny would have looked away, too. I know for a fact that other of my father’s relatives have used words like, “Don’t let the sun go down on you here.” At least once, those words were directed at my mother, who had been foolish enough to say what cowards she made of the Klan.

My upbringing was a muddle. I was raised to believe we were all equal. I was also raised with the socialized understanding that black people hated white people because of slavery, and that it wasn’t fair that they hated us because our people weren’t slave owners, so we didn’t like how people couldn’t get over what had happened over a hundred years ago. And I have said my share of ignorant things about that, too. God help me–seriously, I mean that as a prayer–I have probably not said the last of my ignorant things. I’m working on educating myself, though!

I think a lot of Southerners fall into that grouping of socialized angry ignorance. When Sherman razed the South, it was done indiscriminately, and a lot of innocent (mostly women and children) people died of starvation, and it was decades before families could rebuild even the small holdings they had lost. And those were my people. My people were dirt farmers and Indians.

So you grow up with this chip on your shoulder about what it means to be Southern. What it means to be white in the South. What it means to shoulder a burden of shame that your people couldn’t even aspire to with their low station. You grow up narrow-eyed at people who mock the South, or people who lump all Southerners into the category of Ashley Wilkes and Scarlett O’Hara. And, you grow up with a backwards pride, a lock-jawed, angry pride, willing to spit in the eye of anyone who dares tell you that the Civil War was about slavery. Because, your people have always told you, slavery was an issue, but there was much, much more to it.

And you grow up a little angry with Black People because what you’ve always been made to understand is that if the Yankees had stayed out of your business, and if those trouble makers like MLK and Malcolm X had just left well enough alone, things would’ve been fine.

Hopefully, while you’re growing up, you are challenging the contradictions. Ain’t no such thing as Separate but Equal, Grandaddy. Those don’t mesh. Hopefully, by the time you are full grown, you can pick out the splinters of racism that you picked up, rubbing your heart along the rough wood of your grandparents’ and great-grandparents’ experiences and you can remove them. And hopefully, you grow up to find the stomach for the truth. Hard truths like this:

From the wikipedia article on Freedom Summer, which was basically an attempt to register Black voters. Long story short, insane laws and regulations had made it nearly impossible for Blacks to vote in Mississippi, and if a black man or woman dared to register, they ended up on the wrong end of fists or shotguns.

Many of Mississippi’s white residents deeply resented the outsiders and any attempt to change their society [ed. I grew up hearing about the Yankees who knew nothing about nothing, coming down here and trying to make us do what they wanted…never attached to race, mind you. Just Yankees trying to make us mind. Hurts to hear the words your Alabamian grandparents said, put in this context. Hurts bad.] Locals routinely harassed volunteers. Newspapers called them “unshaven and unwashed trash.” Their presence in local black communities sparked drive-by shootings, Molotov cocktails, and constant harassment. State and local governments, police [emphasis mine–but can you believe that? the people who swore to serve and protect were doing this?!], the White Citizens’ Council and the Ku Klux Klan used murder, arrests, beatings, arson, spying, firing, evictions, and other forms of intimidation and harassment to oppose the project and prevent blacks from registering to vote or achieving social equality.[5]

Over the course of the ten-week project:

* four civil rights workers were killed (one in a head-on collision)
* at least three Mississippi blacks were murdered because of their support for the civil rights movement
* four people were critically wounded
* eighty Freedom Summer workers were beaten
* one-thousand and sixty-two people were arrested (volunteers and locals)
* thirty-seven churches were bombed or burned
* thirty Black homes or businesses were bombed or burned[6]

Violence struck the campaign almost as soon as it started. On June 21, 1964, James Chaney (a black CORE activist from Mississippi), CORE organizer Michael Schwerner, and summer volunteer Andrew Goodman (both of whom were Jews from New York) were arrested by Cecil Price, a Neshoba County deputy sheriff and member of the White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan. They were held in jail until after nightfall, then released into a waiting ambush by Klansmen who abducted and killed them. Goodman and Schwerner were shot at point-blank range. Chaney was chased, beaten mercilessly, and shot three times. Reported on TV and on newspaper front pages, the triple disappearance shocked the nation and drew massive media attention to Freedom Summer and to “the closed society” of Mississippi.

As soon as the men had turned up missing, SNCC and COFO workers began phoning the FBI asking for an investigation. FBI agents refused, saying it was a local matter. Finally, after 36 hours of foot-dragging by the FBI, Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy ordered an investigation and FBI agents began swarming around Philadelphia, Mississippi, where Goodman, Schwerner, and Chaney had been arrested. For the next seven weeks, FBI agents and sailors from a nearby naval airbase searched for the bodies, wading into swamps, and hacking through underbrush. FBI director J. Edgar Hoover came to Mississippi on July 10 to open the first FBI branch office there.

Throughout the search, Mississippi newspapers and word of mouth perpetuated the common belief that the disappearance was “a hoax” designed to draw publicity. But the search turns up the bodies of eight other black men found in rivers and swamps, one of them 14-year old Herbert Oarsby, was found wearing a CORE T-shirt, two others, Henry Hezekiah Dee and Charles Eddie Moore had been expelled from Alcorn A&M for participating in civil rights protests, and the other five men were never identified. On August 4, 1964, the bodies of Chaney, Schwerner, and Goodman were found buried beneath an earthen dam.[7]

That’s over the course of just ten weeks. Ten weeks, and no official had the balls to make it stop. And God as witness to my shameful ignorance, I didn’t know any of that until I was 39 years old. And all of a sudden, it made sense. All of the racial tension I grew up with. All of the fears and the anger. Everything. No wonder black people hated white people!

I’m sorry to say it took so long for the lightbulb to go off. I mean, I knew there were problems after the war, and I knew Blacks didn’t have it easy, but I always thought my father was just joking about Blacks in Alabama being allowed to vote, so long as they voted for the right fella. I lived in a bubble of privilege, thinking that because I wasn’t a racist, I should be exempt from anger. The ignorance, it burns!

So what’s that got to do with the SAG Awards?

Ever since working for a woman who was the first African American Vice President of our international company, I have been much more sensitive to diversity. She really opened my eyes to disparities in minority representation, and made me empathetic to what it must be like to be the only face like yours in a room. She said how hungry she gets to see someone who looks like her. I never thought about that before–didn’t have to. I can’t look at a crowd now without asking myself, “Is this diverse? Or, is this a place where X,Y,Z minority would feel uncomfortable? Are there more than two faces that look the same?” I also find myself asking, “Is this a crowd where diversity is forced?” Because that’s almost as ugly. No one wants to be the token.

Well, that was one lily white awards show, wasn’t it? Not a single Black actor nominated. Not a single Black project nominated. Just a bunch of white people congratulating themselves. We had white fighters, white ballerinas, white royalty, white television execs, white cowboys…white, white, white. Why?

Really? There wasn’t a single Black actor who deserved recognition? Because the American Black Film Festival found plenty of men and women to honor.

It isn’t right. The disparity isn’t right. And we can’t keep trotting Eva Longoria out to show that we have Latin diversity either. Where were the Latin actors? The Hispanic actors? The Asian actors? I know they are on television because I see them. Where are their nominations?

I’m a little worried that this whole post is ignorant. Or will come off as ignorance. Thing is, I am ashamed to be even historically associated with people who were, or might have been involved in anything like this. I finally understand what there is to be ashamed of, and that Southern Born and Southern Bred chip I’ve carried…wow. I could no more wear a watch that played Dixie now, than the man in the moon. (I owned one when I was ten. Grandma bought it for me. I got mad when my mother suggested it was offensive, and wouldn’t let me wear it to school.)

I can’t be sorry for what was lost in the South, not only because all that antebellum romance was never destined to be mine. If the South had been successful in its bid to secede, it is highly likely that I would be living in a trailer somewhere in north Florida, drinking a Pabst and watching my three year old run around the front yard in a dirty diaper, yelling things like, “Little Stonewall Lee! Don’t git too far. Them gators are out there! Now come ‘ere. Diddy’s done brought us some squirrel to eat!”

But also because, you know what? I would still have had the right to vote. Because, by accident of nature, I am white. So there’s the thing right there. Well, maybe not. I am a woman, and women didn’t get the right to vote until well after the Civil War. But I would have had rights as a free born citizen.

That is not the truth for what would have happened to Blacks, had the South won. It would not have been a win for them. And that’s why the Rebel flag is so offensive. And that’s why Gone with the Wind is so offensive. And that’s why–that’s why it is important for people like me to educate ourselves, so we can stop talking like fools, and start making real progress.