Author: the outside lane

Happy. That about covers it.
Advice, Explaining the Strange Behavior, Good Housekeeping

Nice Work if You Can Get it

the outside lane

Neither B, nor I are good housekeepers. We’re both a little forgetful, and we both suffer from some tunnel vision, so we don’t always remember that there is a mess we aren’t seeing. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.

Since we’ve been in the new place, we’ve done very, very well (I have even continued to make the beds daily!) Laundry has taken over a bit, and so have my shoes, but I intend to get that sorted out today. But something else that has helped me is having gotten help. Since we’ve been here, I’ve managed to squirrel away enough every month (just about $80), to bring Molly Maids in once a month. B and I keep the big stuff in check, and they come in and do all the things that never occur to me–like baseboards and dusting. I love them. I have never met the ladies who clean my townhouse, but I love them like family.

We had also been dealing with a lot of stress about getting our house in shape to sell. Not only are we not good housekeepers, but we are not good at moving. Ha! Given that we moved from a packed out 1700 square foot home, into a 1001 square foot townhouse apartment, it meant getting rid of about 900 square feet of stuff. What to do???

We knew we were going to rent a dumpster (and thank you tacky neighbors for taking the open top dumpster we paid for as an invitation to throw away your old mattresses, meaning that we are dangerously close to overfull–please do not pile on top of it), but between each one of us rotating sick weekends, and both of us working full time, we couldn’t figure out when we would get it done. So, we hired temps.

They cleared everything in under 2 hours and did a fantastic job! We do have to pay for a minimum of 4 hours, but that’s still cheaper than the extra month of mortgage we’d be paying if it took us another 2 weeks before we could get started on it personally. It’s cheaper than a week of mortgage, actually. The dumpster cost more than the hired labor.

Not really sure what my point is other than this: If you can’t do it yourself, chances are, you can hire someone to do it for you. And if you are in a position to do so, I think it is worth the money. It also helps stimulate the economy and create work for people who might desperately need it.

So you see? My inability to clean up after myself is helping us come out of the recession! I am a recession buster!

And now I am going to go take a shower, because I spent 2 hours cleaning out the refrigerator/freezer that was accidentally turned off for a week. Full of food. It smelled like we had been storing heads in there! Thank God for Lysol.

Howling Sea Lane, Inside Lane, Lancient History, Women Worth Knowing

Why WWK Is Supporting the Rape Crisis Center

the outside lane

I’ve made no secret about the fact that I was date raped when I was 21. That’s actually how I lost my virginity. You want to talk about awful first time experiences…sheesh.

To this day I have a lot of confusion about what happened and what to call the events that transpired. My own intellectual knowledge that “no means no,” and “NOOOOO means NOOOO,” gets muddied with the common response to the call of rape: What was she wearing? Had she been drinking? Where was she? What time of night was it? Did she struggle? Was she a tease?

I was wearing a black velvet catsuit and a gold smoking jacket with black velvet lapels and some really, super cute shoes. I’d had a glass of wine. I was in the boy’s bedroom. It was close to 2am. Once I realized it was going to happen no matter what I said, or how loudly I said it, I think I must have quit struggling–I don’t know. I’ve blacked that out. I do know Information Society was playing on the radio–maybe that’s why I blocked it out. I never liked that band.

Was I a tease? No. I’d been very frank about what I would and would not do. I was perfectly happy to do anything that could not result in pregnancy, and was precise about what acts that might include. The boy seemed quite pleased with the deal.

I didn’t tell my mother because I was afraid she would kill the boy, and then I’d have a mother in jail. I did not go to the police because of the above. I didn’t figure anyone would believe me. I am exactly the kind of girl This Cop was talking about. Maybe I wasn’t dressed like a “slut” but we can all be realistic about how I would be viewed based on dress, drinking, and willingness to do some if not “it”.

My Great-Aunt is a different story. And her story is much more to the point.

Aunt N was in her 80s when a man broke into her house to beat and rape her. He accomplished his goal.

I have no idea what she was wearing at the time, but I’m pretty sure it involved Granny Panties, not a visible thong. I highly doubt she’d been drinking. She was in her own home, in bed, in the middle of the night–right where she belonged. And she fought as much as an octogenarian can. Given her nature, I can assure you that she was not a tease.

Rape has nothing to do with what you wear, your state of mind, where you are, what time it is, whether you fight, or whether you’ve ever had sexual relations with your attacker.

Rape has nothing to do with YOU.

Rape has to do with the Rapist.

Rape isn’t something you bring on yourself.

Rape isn’t something that you do to yourself.

Anyone who has been raped will tell you how unpleasant it is–it isn’t something anyone would court.

Rape isn’t flattering.

Rape isn’t a compliment.

Rape isn’t a judgment.

Rape is an attack, a violation, and a crime–it is nothing positive, and it is nothing you can force anyone to do to you. You cannot MAKE someone RAPE.

Rape is not a reaction.

Rape is only an individually driven action. It is a purpose driven action.

I support, and have put the WWK project’s support behind the Dallas Area Rape Crisis Center because I’ve been there and I know. And because women and men, girls and boys who are hurt need help. They need to know there is a safe place to go, where people will believe them, and help them. Help them understand that the problem isn’t THEM.

The problem is, and only ever will be the Rapist.

Raise your kids to respect themselves enough that they would think it beneath them to take something not freely given. Raise your kids to respect other people enough that they wouldn’t dream of taking what wasn’t clearly offered. That’s how you deal with rape.

Uncategorized

Book Tomorrow

the outside lane

I have avoided blogging because I am nervous and rabbity about the book, which comes out tomorrow. I haven’t seen the final edit, so I don’t know what’s going on the page. Of course I think this means that the raw, rough draft will be published, or worse, the raw rough draft with edited formatting, so that it looks like that’s how we meant it to be. At the very worst, I will have a great story to tell my grandchildren (or someone else’s should Thor decide his parents genetic character flaws are too great to pass down.)

I’ll be that old woman on the bus, pestering everyone with a ragged copy of my paperback. I might be that middle aged woman if it will help sales.

I’ve had things in mind to write about, but wonder if I have the energy? I do. I’ll make a separate post.

The Book, Uncategorized

Wuthering Vampire Heights

the outside lane

Nicole and I took part in a broadcast of Francy and Friends tonight (link below–the Rikki Hollywood episode–there is a long silence after the opening song, so be warned. Our part of the show comes in at about 13:23, and again very briefly at 31:35), and were excited to talk about our new book The Order of the Blood.

I’ve done a lot of promoting, but not much talking about the book. As I’ve said the short story is that it is about vampires, politics, eugenics and hickies. I realized, talking about the book tonight, that when I was writing the main characters Gideon, Robin, and Ian, I was actually writing Heathcliff, Cathy, and Edgar. There is quite a lot of Wuthering Heights in the love story there. A very damaged, very powerful man, who loves a very damaged, very passionate woman, who is loved by a very sweet, very well-meaning man, who just doesn’t quite live up to the idol she’s made of the former.

Of course our book isn’t Wuthering Heights. That book had ghosts, not vampires, and our love story is only one plot point.

The love story–or love triangle–is born out of politics, and for me, was a question of: What would happen if people who would never otherwise have chosen one another, become “the last man/woman on earth” in their worlds? The horror story of the love triangle is born out of a desire for power. What would happen if you had the ability to bend your partner to your will, using them to carry out your plans, dismissing all concern about ethics or morals by saying it was for the greater good, with the knowledge that you could restore your partner to his or her former glory without them ever knowing the better? Or, what would happen if the man/woman you loved was facing such a situation–how could you help them? How could you save them?

This book explores those questions, and I think does it in an entertaining way.

Nicole mentioned, in our earlier interview, that Gideon was a lot of fun to write because everything he does makes some sort of sense. He has a full rationale. You may not agree with him at all, but you have to give him credit for believing it himself. He has figured out what he wants, and has an answer to every “why?” you might throw at him. What do you do with a leader like that? Who fulfills his own whims because he believes he knows what’s best? Gideon is a despot, no doubt.

I’ll write more about the book later. Meanwhile, you can hear me comparing the backstabbing our publisher, Nick Grabowsky, mentions to the Ides of March. Just click to listen to Francy’s show.

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